The Group Chat Budget You Never Agreed To

There's a budget running your life right now that you never agreed to.

It's not on a spreadsheet. It's not in your banking app. It's hiding somewhere you'd never think to look, and it's been making decisions for you longer than you realize.

In this episode of Own Your Luxe, Erica Rawls names the most expensive habit ambitious women have. The kind of spending that has nothing to do with the thing you bought, and everything to do with the quiet fear of being the one who can't keep up.

This one's going to sting a little. In the best way.

About Coffee With E: Coffee With E is the podcast for ambitious women who want to live the life they truly want and afford it without the guilt. Hosted by Erica Rawls, real estate Associate Broker, investor, and founder of the Financial Wholeness platform, every episode blends rich auntie energy with real strategy so you can own your luxe on your own terms.

Connect with Erica: Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Threads, LinkedIn: @erica.rawls Website: ericarawls.com

📖 Own Your Luxe Without the Guilt is on the way. DM LUXE BOOK on Instagram @erica.rawls to get on the early list.

New episodes drop weekly. Follow the show so you never miss one.

Follow Us for More Inspiration:

📸 Instagram: @erica.rawls
🎥 YouTube: Erica Rawls
📧 For inquiries and collaborations: customercare@ericarawls.com

✨ Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe to stay updated with our latest episodes! 

Transcript

The Group Chat Budget You Never Agreed To

Erica 0:00

Hey, guess what? You have a budget you never agreed to. You didn't sign anything, you didn't get a vote, and it has been making financial decisions on your behalf for longer than you even realized. It lives in your group chat. That's right. That random Wednesday thread that lit up that said, let's make a plan. Let's plan a trip. And before you had a single moment to think about it, whether any of this fits in your actual life right now, you had already typed, I'm in. You know the one. So today we're going to talk about it. Because once you see it, you can't unsee it. And that is actually the point. Hey Luxies, welcome back to Coffee With E. It is here where you learn how to own your Lux. And I'm Erica Rawls. And if this is your first time here, pull up. Get comfortable, because today's conversation is one of my favorites. Because almost every woman I talk to about money eventually lands right here, what we're going to be talking about. Not on the big purchases. No, we got that under control. When we see something big, we know how to save up on it. Not on the dramatic financial decisions, oh, should I buy a house or should I not? Nope. It's always the quiet social, that invisible spending that happens inside her closest friendships. And by the end of this episode, you're going to know exactly what your group chat budget is and how it's been running you. That one question that interrupts it every time. You ready? Let's get into it. Okay. Let me describe a Wednesday afternoon. You're working, the phone buzzes, it's the group chat. That group chat. Someone just dropped a link, a house in the mountains for a girls' weekend, three months out. Okay. Not too bad. And everyone is already reacting. Hard eyes, hand clap emojis, cartwheels. Someone has already typed I'm in. And before your brain has caught up, you go in and type in two, I'm in. Now, you also say, I can't wait. You put the phone down and something just automatically tightens up a little bit. You ever remember that feeling? You know you do. Because I felt it one time too. Not a lot, just enough that you're aware of it. Because you know somewhere behind the yes that your count is not where it needs to be for that weekend. You know you were going to be careful for the next few months. And you know you had a plan. And you also know that saying anything other than I'm in in that group chat felt like it would have said something about you that you weren't really ready to say out loud. You see what I'm saying? So you said yes. And now you have three months to figure it out. So what are you gonna do, sis? Okay, stay with me. Okay, because that moment, that two-second response in the group chat, that is the one that's most expensive habit ambitious women have. And we're gonna stop today. And it is happening to all of us. So here's what nobody tells you, but everybody needs to hear. You have a group chat budget. That's right. Again, you never agree to it, but it is real, y'all. It is so real, and it is active, and it has been making financial decisions on your behalf for longer than you realize. And it's the invisible spending agreement that lives inside your friendships. Isn't that crazy? Did you even know you had an invisible friendship budget or a spending agreement? It's the unspoken understanding of what this group does, where this group goes, and what this group spends. And that quiet social pressure to stay inside those lines, even when your actual budget is saying something completely different. Now it's not malicious, y'all. Don't walk away feeling as if that's something that you should be concerned about. You have bad friends. No, your friends are not trying to drain you, they are just living their lives and they're inviting you along. So it's up to you to be the one to say yes, you can or no, you can't. And you can keep saying yes because saying no feels like saying something about yourself that you are not ready to say. Hear me out. I want to share something with you. Now that I beat us up a little bit, I want to share with you four triggers that I found out that are classic ways group budget shows up. Okay, now see which one is yours, okay? One, the impromptu getaway. She saw the girls planning a trip in the group chat. She knew her account wasn't there, and she said yes before she could talk herself out of it. Because saying no, well, it felt like admitting something she wasn't ready to admit, or you just have a serious case of FOMO. But either case, it's not about the trip. It's about the fear of being the one who couldn't keep up. Number two, the extravagant dinner. She didn't plan for it. Someone suggested the nice restaurant. She knew there was more reasonable option two blocks away. She said nothing. She said absolutely nothing. And she picked up more than her share of the bill because the table was looking. This is not about the dinner. This is about belonging and the cost she is willing to pay simply to feel like she does. Number three, the upgrade. She didn't need it. The standard room was fine, but the junior suite was available and it wasn't that much more. And you know what? She deserved it. Something nice, and she had been working so hard for it. That right there, it's not about the room. This is about the internal negotiation that happens when Alexi is trying to reconcile who she is with what her account is actually allowing. Number four, the impulse reward. She had a hard week, handled something difficult at work. We all know that feeling. Nobody acknowledged it. You are feeling so underappreciated. It's just like I need to fill in that, I need to fill that void. So she pulled out her phone on the way home. This is not about the thing she bought. This is about the unmet need of recognition. So here's the one question I want you to just think about. In every four of these situations, it will stop you in your tracks. Would I still want this if no one could see it? That question forces the want to stand on its own. It separates from the audience. It will separate from the proof that you're seeking. It'll separate you from the highlight reel and the group chat and the unspoken agreement about what this social circle does. If the answer is yes, you are buying from genuine desire. Great. Congratulations. Now, if the answer is no, then guess what, y'all? Sorry, Lexi, you're buying from performance. And it's okay because we're going to figure out this out together. Here we go. You're performing from the fear of being the one who could not keep up, from the Joneses energy that has been quietly running financial decisions without your permission. Now, listen, remember what I told you before. The Joneses, they were broke then, and they sure enough are still broke. Don't be the Joneses. So I want to share something with you that's probably going to help you a lot. So every time you say to the group chat when your account is saying no, you're not being a good friend. You are being the Joneses. You're performing belonging instead of actually belonging. Y'all follow me there? You already know this, but I'm going to say it anyways. The people who genuinely love you, the ones worth keeping, do not need you to go broke to prove you are one of them. I can't do this one is a complete sentence. No is a complete sentence. Catch me next time is definitely a complete sentence. All right. You know what time it is. It's time for the part of the show where I lovingly come for you. I mean, I'm including myself in that. Okay. So today's roast, stop saying I'm in before you check your account. Okay. I know I've heard the collective exhale. Okay, but I need you to sit down, sis. Let me explain. So here's what happens: the group chat lights up. You see the link, you see the dates, you see everybody else reacting. And something in your brain goes into autopilot. You're not making a decision. You're matching energy. And by the time you type I'm in, you have not thought about your month. You have not thought about your plan. You have not thought about the three other commitments you already made. You have only thought about the thing being in the group. And I get it. Because saying I'm out loud feels louder than saying yes silently. Saying yes blends in. Saying no makes you visible in a way that feels uncomfortable for some. But here's what I want you to try this week. Instead of the fast yes, give yourself 24 hours rule. I know. What? Not texting back my friends in 24 hours. Yes. No, yes to a group plan until the sun has come up on it. Okay. Not because your friends are the problem, because the fast yes, that's the problem. You don't owe anyone a same day answer. And the people who need a same day answer from you are not building the kind of plans you can afford to commit without looking first. 24 hours, okay? That's the challenge. Check your account, check your plan. Ask yourself the question, would I still want this if no one else could see it? And then answer the chat. You got it? Now remember the friends who love you will wait 24 hours. The ones who don't, well, that's information. Okay, so here's your assignment. You didn't think you're going to walk away without an assignment, okay? Here it is. The next group chat ping, okay? The next ping, the next link you receive, the next plan, the next let's do this. I'm gonna challenge you to wait 24 hours before you reply. You don't have to say no. You don't have to explain anything. You just have to say, you just don't say yes yet. And in those 24 hours, ask yourself the question, would I still want this if no one could see it? Whatever comes up, that's the data you're gonna use to respond. That's what the group chat budget has been hiding from you. Now, DM me on Instagram, okay? And tell me, you know, tell me how it went. I'm at Erica. Well, I think so. I'll check that out. I'll let you know in the comments. I and honestly, I read every message, so I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Now, if this hits the full conversation about the group chat budget, well, guess what? I'm writing a book. It's called On Your Lux Without the Guilt. Throughout the next couple months, I'm gonna be sharing little clips from the book. And if it resonates from you, I would love to be able to put you on that list to receive the book when it actually comes out. And if you have a friend in one of those group chats right now, the one who is privately running numbers while publicly saying I'm in, send this to her. You know the one. That's how this community is going to grow. I'll see you next week. And until then, own your lux, own it on your own terms, and own it without going broke to prove it.