You Make HOW MUCH… and still feel broke?!

You ever look at your deposits, your commissions, or your “good on paper” numbers and still feel like you cannot breathe? That tension is the heart of this conversation with Dr. Constance Craig-Mason, MRFC®, NSSA®, CEO of Concierge Financial Advisory and founder of Money Talks Movement, and Laura Pesek, CFP®, CLU, ChFC, a certified financial planner and fiduciary who has guided families for decades. We get honest about why success can still feel hard and how money mindset, financial trauma, and the words we repeat to ourselves can quietly shape what we save, spend, and avoid.

We move from emotions to strategy: how to replace avoidance with clarity, why we prefer a spending plan over a strict budget, and how a personal allowance can stop the “I deserve it” spiral without killing your joy. We also talk about the kind of “struggle” high earners rarely admit out loud, the permission many people need to actually enjoy their money, and how childhood money stories can echo into adulthood through fear, guilt, and over-control.

Then we get practical: debt snowball vs debt avalanche, the 50-30-20 framework, building an emergency fund based on six months of expenses, and why diversified index investing can help you grow without putting all your eggs in one basket. Laura adds the tax reality behind retirement accounts, plus the protection side entrepreneurs forget, like life insurance and disability coverage. We close with a direct push for women to speak up in financial meetings, claim a real voice at the table, and make choices your future self will thank you for.

If this hit home, subscribe, share it with a friend who “makes good money but still feels stuck,” and leave a review with the biggest mindset shift you are taking into your next money move.

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Transcript

Money Mindset And The Hard Loop

Erica Rawls 0:00

Okay, let's go ahead and say it because I know a lot of us have been filming this way. Whenever we make money, for those of us that make a substantial amount of money, you make the money, you work hard, you figure, I feel like I still don't have enough. A lot of Tonker taught that one of the reasons why is because we may need to make more money. Or we just may need to get, I don't know, figure it out. Uh, a strategy. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. I have two ladies that are powerhouses in their own right that are here with us today. The first one is Constance Craig Mason. She's the CEO of the Concierge Financial Advisory, founder of Money Talks Movement, and someone who has helped so many people not just build wealth, but actually understand it. And then we have Laura Pussick. She is a certified financial planner, fiduciary, and someone who has been walking alongside families for decades, helping them create real sustainable financial strategies. And the reason why I love these two is because they love helping people. So we want to get into this, okay? Hey Luxi, guess what, y'all? If you haven't realized, I sell real estate. I help buyers and sellers purchase their home. So if you're looking to buy or to sell, reach out to your girl. Now back to the show. We're gonna start here. Um, making money, okay? Someone that's able to make money. Why does this feel so hard for some people? Ooh, constantly, you ready to go.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:29

I feel like you jumped right into the moment that I was just describing. A few months ago, I was talking to my husband for the 99th time about things that I experienced as a child, my upbringing, as it related to money. And I was sharing with him the disconnect between the proof that I have that I am a six-figure earner without any W-2, general self-source as an independent entrepreneur. And I was telling him, it still feels hard. And that was the language that I use. So when I was describing all of the childhood experiences, and I was saying it was so hard to do this, it was so hard to do that, just basic everyday need that my mom struggled with. Wow. Getting a new partnership, getting a new client, elevating my brand, it's so hard. And then I stopped myself literally in my tracks with the tears in my eyes and everything. Oh no, it just stopped. And it was that disconnect between the proof, right? The money showing up in the bank account, the credit card statements, everything shows at the Mac max. But that inner thought process, the language that I was still using, it was like, that is the root of why I still feel the challenge of being a six-figure earner, but not feeling like a six-bigger earner. So I told him, I said, yes, I definitely need to be mindful about how I speak about my current situation. And also getting rid of that negative or limiting beliefs because I am not still a young child in Baltimore struggling, watching someone have difficulty to raise me. I am now that parent, that grandparent that gets to choose how I navigate my finances, how I speak the language of wealth and well-being. And it was such an incredible moment that I wrote it out on my board and I put it in my room so that whenever I internally want to say something because of how I feel, I will be reminded that peace, ease, and joy are mine. Okay. Peace, ease, and joy are mine. I love it. So it takes away that everything is hard, everything's far. But like most things, we do have to reprogram ourselves because it doesn't just come naturally. And that was the thing that really made me say, that's the disconnect that's always been there, that I never knew was still there, regardless of this the commissions, regardless of the partnerships and the wins. It still felt, I say the H word, it still felt hard.

Erica Rawls 4:18

Right. Yeah. So for you, I can't breathe. I'm making this money, but I still can't breathe. Like, what can you share like from that perspective?

Laura Pesek, CFP 4:27

Well, I think you said it too, is though that record that you keep playing in your brain from your first experience with money. And it's so important, you know, part of our topic today is talking to the younger generation. And I remember um my parents saying we didn't buy the house with the basement because we wanted to have time to go on vacation or have that freedom. And so that has always stuck with me too, is the um having to have the the stuff instead of the experiences. So I carry that same thing with me and uh the word hard, the self-talk, the things that we say to ourselves, um, we need to reprogram that for sure. Um and I felt the same as you. Um, but being in this industry, being self-employed, it is a lot of responsibility on our shoulders. So even when you have the wins, right, it's hard to get over the challenges that we face as business owners. And now as you grow your business, you're responsible for others, their well-being. And so it's hard to just, well, I just said the same word, right? Um, feel that joy and know that everything is gonna be okay. Yeah. Um, we deal with all kinds of folks, um, people that have money, people that don't. And I can relate in both of those cases, and it's hard to feel like that I um I'm very comfortable where I'm at. Exactly what you said. You see it in paper, I do the same thing that you did. And um just to make sure that you are okay with having the money to spend on other things because this business is a roller coaster. It's up and down quite a bit, and you have to have the discipline and budget. And maybe those are two words that I would say um carried forward with me was that discipline of making choices about what you do with your money. They are they are long-term choices that you make. And starting early on, I think my husband and I made very good financial decisions, and that has helped us to be where we are today, um, knowing that we can do it. Yeah. Um, and so I I feel the same as you, and and that how that comes through with my clients is the folks that have done very well for themselves, that have the money to do the things they want to. They're so used to making those hard decisions that they're afraid to spend the money because they don't know how long it's gonna last. So I spend a lot of time in my client meetings saying it's okay. Go ahead. You know, do the things that you want to do. Take that vacation, take the kids and the grandkids with you because you will be okay. It's almost like they need that approval from somebody to let them know that it is fine.

Erica Rawls 7:29

So, can we talk about how struggling is not just about having like overdrafts in your checking account? Like it literally is. Like the struggle is avoidance or anxiety or not feeling where you're supposed to be, right? Because a lot of people think, okay, well, I'm making all this money. It's not about making all this money. Oh, I'm still having these overdrafts. No, it's not necessarily being financially irresponsible. It's about, okay, they're avoiding some of the things that they need to do. So can we put language around that? Because a lot of people feel that way. Well, no, I don't struggle with paying my bills, right? I'm struggling with the emotional aspect or avoiding what I need to do in order to feel like, okay, I am where I'm supposed to be.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 8:09

Yeah, that's a good point that you raised. And it's it's so coming full circle to me. Just listening. Sure. Uh, we do a lot of the same work uh with the clients. I deal with clients who have money and those that don't. And especially on my foundation side. So when I'm sitting down with boomers, oftentimes they will have six, seven figures of assets, myriad of places.

Erica Rawls 8:38

And like you said, yeah, we talked about how they got them for our young luxies out there, okay? So that's okay about that. Oh, we will get into it.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 8:47

But the the thing about it is, and I and I say this all the time, we have to give them permission to spend. So, which was kind of similar to what you were saying, and it all comes back to clarity. So if they are clear, and that's part of what we do, is we assess everything that they have going on, the needs that they had, the goals that they have, any what ifs that may come up, and we provide the clarity that you are okay, you've done the right things, and now it's time for you to enjoy yourself. Right. Now, I am younger than most of my clients. And so I'm having to uh reframe even my language around me being the professional who's giving them that clarity. I err on the side of the CFPB's definition of financial well-being. Part of that CFPB is well, I mean, got some people that may not know what that is. Oh, Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. Okay. CFPB. Part of how they have amplified financial well-being is to define it for people. So it really is your capacity. If you're able to handle your current obligations and your future obligations, then you can feel confident about your future and make decisions that allow you to enjoy your journey. So when I go back to joy, a lot of people feel like, oh, well, when I retire, I would enjoy my life. Yeah. I am reframing my own self along with the clients to say you can enjoy the journey, not just the destination, because clarity helps you to do that. So if we have the math or the evidence that you've saved enough, you've invested enough, you've paid your debts down or paid them off, that is the clarity that you need to go ahead and enjoy some things that you'd like to enjoy. And so it is a mindset shift, but the math is what provides the clarity. And for those who are, let's say, starting their life again because life has happened. They have become unemployed for some odd reason. Maybe there's a divorce that they have experienced, some kind of loss, right? That can pre that can create a financial trauma that they may not have ever experienced before. And those things can bring about some guilt and some shame and some why me's and all of those things. And so again, even in those transitional moments, we get to show them the math, we get to show them the way, and that will provide that peace and joy that they need.

Erica Rawls 11:24

So what I'm hearing, you say is most people are better off than what they believe they are.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 11:28

Absolutely. And even if they are challenged in one or many ways, we overemphasize those challenges because I hate to say it. I'm just gonna say it. She hates to say it, but she's gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna say it's another. I don't know if I came up with this, I may have, but I say victims get benefits. Victims get benefits. So, with that being said, I think we've all been victimized throughout our life. Okay. In in whatever ways, right? And at that time, yes, you need support, you need an ear, you need resources, you need a lot of things. But after you get beyond that initial incident that caused the trauma, you then need to reframe your mindset and your language that you're no longer a victim, you are a survivor, and then move forward. So when I say that sometimes people sit in this victimhood because someone will give you the money or someone will come rescue you or whatever, like it it takes away the responsibility that you have to be resilient, to get up and pull yourself up and continue to move forward. So there is a time where we need all the support we can get. But then after that, it's what do I do next? Yeah. And even with money, I feel like when the divorce happens, when the job loss, when when all these things happen, at that moment, yes, you've been victimized. Yeah. But after that, it's what do I need to do? Whether that's a coach, an advisor, a specialist, a therapist, whomever, use your resources.

Budgeting As Control Not Punishment

Erica Rawls 13:12

So we're doing better than what we should than we think we're doing. So where do we think that we're lying to ourselves financially? A lot of time.

Laura Pesek, CFP 13:20

I I think that a lot of it is um making those hard choices. The discipline between the have want to have it right now and having those choices uh early on. Um, I think that uh there's a misconception that I have to have it now or the the sacrificing for the large jump.

Erica Rawls 13:46

Um and we gotta be honest, like a lot of us we have we struggle with not being able to um to delay gratification for it, I like to say.

Laura Pesek, CFP 13:55

I think that that is um something that um with the internet and having everything available at your fingertips, um, that that just taking that time to set goals, right? Start with the basics, um, and then have a written plan in place um to make sure that those goals, whatever it is. Um, I think of my assistant wants to have a new home. Set that plan in place, have a budget for it, and then consciously you make better decisions about what you're going to do for Saturday night. Maybe, maybe we can stay home instead of going out to eat. And you and it's easier for you to make those hard decisions to reach that goal and then celebrate when that does happen. Right. And right. I think that that's um that's difficult to do, but but have that joy to do it. Yeah, and I'm I'm speaking to myself, of course, about that too.

Erica Rawls 14:54

Yeah. No, that's really good because I think a lot of us don't want to sit down and have a plan when it comes to finances because they're afraid of what they may see or what they may not be able to do, right? Because a lot of a lot is revealed when you start budgeting.

unknown 15:06

Right.

Erica Rawls 15:06

Um, and I can say firsthand, because my there was a time where, not there was a time, there's a recent time where my husband and I decided that, hey, um, since I'm getting into this financial wholeness piece, right, he was usually the one that was like, okay, this is going over all the numbers. I really wanted to be able to speak like very fluent when it came to budgeting, right? So I took over a portion and said, Hey, this is act like we just separated, but we still together, right? But I went to figure this out. So the budgeting piece, um, it did scare me because he usually would do it all the time. But since taking over that part, I realized there's literally control. What I think a lot of us are afraid of when we start budgeting is that we lose control. Definitely. And it's the total opposite of A's, right? Now I wouldn't be able to speak to that if I had not taken over budgeting because it was a control thing going on. So no one that's following us in our community wants to be controlled by anything. Because we want to do everything we want to do, what we want to do it, and how we want to do it. But they don't understand that in order to do that, you have to have a plan.

Laura Pesek, CFP 16:08

But that along those same lines too, all of us, I'm sure, celebrating this. Sometimes, in order to get to the next phase or the next stage or grow, you have to be able to give up that control to somebody else.

Erica Rawls 16:20

Not give up, Laura. I'm not giving up anything. What are you talking about? What? Delegate. Okay. That is true. Seriously, like the women I know, uh, you know, people in the community that, you know, say, yeah, no, I want to do this, I want to do that. Why can't I have a boat? Right. So we're the goal is to have the walkaway film is okay, you can have a boat, but how is that going to happen? Well, you have to have a plan, right? Yeah. So what's the plan? You're saying start with the budget. Yes, right. And then after you start with the budget, what are we saying next?

Spending Plans With Built-In Flexibility

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 16:53

Well, can I touch a thing? Yeah. So a lot of these conversations that I'm having with both sides, the people that are starting again, never started before, and even the boomers, is I call it a spending plan versus a budget. Because again, language is important. Yeah. And even when I think about those-wanna spend, we're going to do it. We are going to do it every day, all day. Yes. But it allows you to be in the driver's seat of these decisions, right? So when you have this spending plan, it can be flexible. So you start it with some foundational elements, right? Your fixed expenses, your variable expenses, and then your enjoyment. But we don't want you to feel like if you step outside that boundary, that, oh, somebody's going to slap you on the hand. Just like when you're focusing in on your physical wellness, right? And you say, oh, I want to cut out carbs because maybe I have a medical thing going on, not just because I want to follow a trend, but because I have a medical thing going on, carbs are not good for me. So then you set that as a foundational thing. But then if you go out to dinner, celebrate something and you have a carb, nope, you don't need a slap on the hand, right? Right. You know what you're doing, your intention is there, and you will get right back on track the next day, the next week. So when you're structuring a plan, there needs to be flexibility within it. And I find that people will be more successful when they know that there is some flexibility because if I am in control of this plan, then I can make or pivot or adjust as I go. But if you don't even have a plan, that is where the problem for me, I feel like that is where the problem comes in, is where you don't even have a foundational plan. All right. And you made a good point about taking over some of the things that maybe your husband had. Um the responsibility and problems, is he good at it? He's really, really good. So so just sharing this with you, it gives you perspective now. It does. It gives you respect perspective, right? It does.

Personal Allowance And Emotional Spending

Erica Rawls 18:56

And involvement. Yeah. So for the women that aren't, you know, married and they're single, um, I do say start with a budget. Um, and they're not giving me any money to say this. Um, however, I'm using Monarch. I want you to have a preference. Um, there's you bone, you need a budget. I'm using Monarch. I like the the technology. Laura. I love Instagram. Right, right. Inside joke. You're like, what are you laughing at? Why was that so funny? Inside joke. Yeah, um, but I'd like to use Monarch. I like it because it's very uh consumer friendly. I like it, user-friendly, I should say. And I like the fact that it has emojis, right? Because I want to have some pizzazz to mine, right? Nice. And they allow you to have the flexible spending versus uh, you know, your traditional budget, right? So where we fail in our budget is because I think the budget fails us because it's so stringent. That's it, right? So you have to come up with some like a happy medium, if you will, on the way you want to account for your money. Like for me, I do like to have the total, like um all my accounts out. Okay. So meaning, you know, auto payment, um, credit cards, whatever. I like to have them all spell spread out or spelled out. Some people may just want to have, like you said, um, you know, your fixed expenses and your variable expenses, and just keep it that way. Whatever floats your boat. Exactly. Um, is what I see. But then there's a I deserve it. Like, okay, well, I deserve this thing now. Now I can say that, but then I have to look to say, okay, does your budget say you deserve this thing? And if it doesn't, then are you willing to sacrifice not getting it, or are you going to have to start all over with your plan? Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 20:40

So I believe in building all that structure that we have what I call a PAL, a personal allowance. So as you are looking at the things that you have to do, and then the things that you get to do is based on the money you set aside for yourself. So for example, if your pal is $250 a week, right? That's what you send over to your uh, how do you say your Cash App, you send it over to your certain account that you get to swipe however you like. Oh, that's phone catting work. No one cares right what you do. I don't care if you do Starbucks every day. That is none of my business, right? It's none of the household's business because it's your personal allowance. And I feel like it takes away that I deserve, right? Because if everything is so regimented that there is no room for the I deserve, that is when people overindulge. I mean, you could literally look at the bank statements, the credit card statements, and see where you were in your life at that particular time. If it was something stressful, if there was that divorce, if there was a lot of work at school. Like we will then, I deserve, and you get to swipe it. Right? And so without consequences. And it takes that away when you've built it in, right? If you wanted to take That $250 and buy the shoes because you felt triggered. I don't care. It does not have anything to do with the money we set aside for the household budget. It's not included in it. I do want to stop you.

Erica Rawls 22:11

Okay, so you've been listening so far, and um, Dr. Constance, she actually said something that I didn't even think about. The fact that you spend based on how you're feeling emotionally. I want to know. Let us know. Are you, can you look at your bank statement? Just go to a time where you knew things were just rocky, right? Whatever it is, you had a breakup or you just weren't feeling the best. Did you spend more than you would have in any normal, what's called no normal daily living? I would love to know that because that's that was really good. That's good. Really good. It was really good.

Laura Pesek, CFP 22:44

I think too, along those same lines, when you just said that, I think about um looking back at times and then also seeing how far you've come. Yeah. You know, I hadn't go. Uh I wanted to have X um in my bank account. Well, how long did that take me? And now look at where we are today. It's sometimes fun to go down memory lane and see how far you have come. That makes you, you know, just reflect. Okay, I know I can do it too. And those times when you say, Oh, times are are a little tough right now. Or we'll remember when we were here. Or remember when we had that difficult time we were going through, and we made it through. That's good. Um, and I don't know if you're gonna talk much about vision boards today, but I'm a big fan of No, we're not, but we are right now. Putting it out there. It's not in our notes. Uh it is so fun to just uh have that wish list and mark off um things that excite you, get you motivated about your um your what did you call that? Your pal account. I don't know. What is that? Yeah, and that is actually working toward it. Um vision boards, I don't know, I've done them many times over the past, and it's fun to keep the old ones and go back to what's like check mark, check marf. Um, so um, I think I need to spend a little more time focusing on uh the fun things. Absolutely. Um you get you get into the the day-to-day activities and you forget to have some fun. And so um this is so good, I think, for all of us in our busy work lives to to think about some things that we could be doing um differently too.

Childhood Money Scripts That Linger

Erica Rawls 24:22

The fun category is important, yeah. It's so important. I mean, um, I talk about it, um I have a journal that's coming up, talks about you have to have a fun cat category because it's really important because if you're just so regimented, you're just like, oh gosh, I gotta look at this, you know. Again, no one likes to feel like they're in con out of control. Right. You feel out of control when you're being overly disciplined, right? You don't see any end in sight. So the fun category is for people like myself, right, that like to spend money on great things, you know, that makes them feel good. And there's okay with that. You can have both the best of both worlds, right? Um, and I know a lot of people are like, well, uh, you know, think about like Dave Ramsey. Yes, I'm bringing his name up. He's always talking about, you know, you want to pay down all of your debt before you actually go ahead and, you know, start spending. I agree with that, and yet we're still living, right? That's right. So you could pay down your debt, have the fun category, and still be able to do the things you want to do when you want to do it. That's where I believe people are gonna have success. Otherwise, you're just gonna keep going back and forth through this um, I don't know, this uh merry-go-round, this hamster wheel of okay, I paid off all my credit cards and I'm gonna go back in debt. Why? Because you never have fun. Well, I was surrogating. So I'm gonna go on a cruise and then run that credit card right back up. What do you do after that? You should yourself up. Yeah, you beat yourself up. So it's just a terrible cycle, terrible cycle, which leads me to woo, a lot of brunch almost all over me. A lot of times, um, we can go back to when we grew up and how we saw our monies. Okay, so can we share or talk about how growing up affects how we spend today? Yes. Do we want to talk about our own money stories? You want to bring in a on the story that you know of that's relevant? Like, how would you say you were brought up when it came to um money and how you spend it today? I'll I'll kick that one up.

Laura Pesek, CFP 26:12

I I remember um well, remember the story uh my parents didn't have a lot of money. It never felt like that we didn't have the things we needed. Um, but I do remember as a teenager um saying, Mommy, I really want those Jordash jeans.

Erica Rawls 26:30

Oh, Jordas, okay, so the people are cleaning 30. I don't know if they would know. Do y'all know what Jordan jeans are? Let us know. They were super sexy. Wait, what was the equivalent? Maybe um No American Eagle, because they're more expensive than that. Um I can't really think on nowadays. Maybe when skinny jeans came out, and I don't know.

Laura Pesek, CFP 26:52

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Dating myself a little bit here. We all knew. We knew um and she said, Well, if you want those Jordash jeans, you go get your own money and you pay for them. And I think in my whole um cur career path, I was like, you know what? I that's really what I want, and I'm gonna go get it. And I think today about um just where I am in business, I was always going to be the one that was gonna make it happen. Uh no one was gonna support me. I was going to get what I wanted and just work hard for it. Yeah. It wasn't like it was handed to me. I was gonna work hard uh for that. And I've always carried that forward with me. Um is that okay, if I'm gonna um get what I want, I'll just work hard. And even when I think about the the jobs that I've had, I didn't always own my own business. I worked for other firms, and uh, I was like, well, if that person is not willing to do it, I'm gonna step up and take control. Uh I'm not gonna let the team uh uh dictate where we are. If someone's not gonna step up, I'm going to be the one that will. And uh and I see that today, just that story all the way through. Um and just I remember, I mean, my my parents saying that, you know, you do need to save. As soon as I started to make some money, they're like, it's important that you buy your own things and have what you want, but you do need to save that. That that message again, that that record player back in my head was always pay yourself first. Pay yourself first. So um you had you have a great money story. The odd Natic sapings. I wish I had some tell me to pay first, pay yourself first. And and that just stuck with me. Yeah, even my husband when we both came from nothing. Um, and as soon as we started to make money, that was more than we ever had. Uh, so we just had again call it the envelope idea, call it the separate accounts. Yeah. Um, and just started that early on um in our marriage. That's awesome. And that has served us very well. And any decision that we made about money, um, if it was to to upgrade our living um or to buy a car, we never went back on those savings that we had in place. And they did increase, you know, over time. But we started with $25 a month or $50 a month. It's not about the money, right? It's about the habit. That's just getting into that habit. And then if you want to reward yourself, don't take it from that account that you worked so hard to build up. If it's the new house fund, or, you know, in our case, we were just saving because we didn't have anything that we really need to save it for. And we knew someday when we'd have a family that we would have to pay for um child care or help in some way if we were gonna still work. And so that money that we were using, we just had to use those accounts for that purpose, or we just stopped saving as much because we needed to focus on another goal at that time. But I don't know where it was. I just always loved that compounding of interest. I saw early on um with some bonds that I received when my grandfather died, and I just saw, wow, look at that interest. Like, look at my money working for me. And I got very excited about that. And even now with my kids, um, my son was waiting on tables at Jojo's pizza. And he's like, Mom, you know, I'm starting to get some money, my count. I said, Okay, well, let's let's put that to work for you. So we got a CD, and he's like, Wow, look at I made $30 or I made $50 in interest. He's like, That's one night of work. So if you can kind of equate your money starting to work for you, it it gets you excited about making those decisions. Uh, do I want to spend my money? Or, you know, the more I have, the more my money will work for me. So that I think when I started to see that for my own savings, it really got me excited. And maybe that's how I ended up, you know, with this career in finance that I have come to be in.

Erica Rawls 31:14

That's good stuff. That's really good stuff. So you found out really early that money, learning, teaching yourself how to make your money work for you. Yes. Was pretty much how you were able to, yeah, to build a life.

Laura Pesek, CFP 31:26

And then finally, my partner, you know, my husband and I, we both valued money that same way. I think that is a a challenging thing for a lot of couples. You have one person that might be the saver, and then the other person that's the person who likes to spend. So both of us, you know, I'm I'm the one who does the budget, I'm the one who um spends the money. And then anytime he wants to spend any, I'm like, what do you what do you mean? What do you what do you mean you spend a hundred dollars on something? So we joke about it, but um it it's it's it's good to be on the same page. That's when you are in a couple um situation um to talk about these things early on. Because you you brought up divorce, you know, you bring up fights about money. You we both have to be on the same page and come to some common ground. Doesn't mean then the other person has to think exactly the same way as you, but having that that um a mutual respect for each other about money because people have different backgrounds um that they come from, and meeting together in the middle um is what is gonna make uh a successful future.

Dating Money Talks Without Interrogation

Erica Rawls 32:31

So, but someone that's dating then, and then we'll get to your money story. So for someone that's dating, um, do you think it's a little off-putting to ask them about their financial situation? Or you think that's an important question to ask? And at what point do you think we should ask it?

Laura Pesek, CFP 32:44

Um, that is a big one. Uh you you I think very early on, um, you should have that conversation. First date, second date, third, we're we talking a year after. Um, you know, I have two boys and uh this this comes up, you know, it's it's sort of like the man uh should pay. And uh, you know, uh I think that's very uh honorable and that's very nice gesture. But I think that if you're dating someone who also works, it should be a conversation um about money early on. Um because if that's gonna be your partner, you know, um my son's working as hard as the other. And if we want to, you know, talk about equality in the workplace and things like that, like both of you are working hard, have a conversation, you know. Um, maybe we can share the last the next bill, or you know, can you, you know, I'll get um dinner. Um maybe you can, would you mind um paying for the movie or whatever? But having these conversations early on and understanding what someone's expectations are, right? If if you have someone who is brought up the man should pay for everything, well, that may not be the right relationship for you. And that's okay. Like you don't have to be the only person that that person's gonna date. But having those hard conversations early on, I think are very important. I don't know if I would do it on a first date, right? Um, but if things are going along well, like early on, you know, you're getting to know someone, I think you should ask in instead of being on your telephone all the time when you're out for a date. How about talk to each other? Yeah. Having this, I think that would be a great question. Ask somebody um when you're um getting to know them. Tell me about your um growing up. How how was uh how was money in your family? What's important to you? What is important to you? Right. Um yeah, you know, do you what are your goals? Um so I think that early on would be a really important thing.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 34:54

Yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 34:55

Um, knowing again, if if someone has a lot of debt, how how did that happen? Um, was it something like was it a what is this? Was it a situation that happened? Was it out of work? Um, did something happen? What we have a lot of younger folks, you know, maybe it's a medical situation that you came into that you have to pay um student loans. You know, how is that going to evolve into your relationship? Who's gonna be responsible for that?

Erica Rawls 35:25

These are congression conversations weren't asked when I was dating because I didn't I didn't ask any of those questions, I just got lucky. Yeah, right. But I'm thinking nowadays, woo, you gotta ask the question, probably. Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 35:40

I would say too, I think I'm just I like to dig deep. You know what I mean? Like, I love to ask very deep questions. And my husband, poor guy. Like, I just come up with all kinds of questions out of the blue, and then he'll be like, I never thought about it. And I'm like, think about it now. Yeah, right. Because I'm interested now. Right, right. Um, but to your point, like I wouldn't do it on a first date, but I would definitely, because it for me, it comes back to do you know yourself? If money is a big thing for you, knowing where it is, how it arrives, who's responsible for things, and watching how you were raised and and what you saw then. If that's something that's important to you and you begin to ask this question of a potential suitor, two, three dates in, and you bring this up and they shy away from that conversation. Is this your person? I'm not saying cut the people off. Right. I'm just saying that inner thing where you're like, oh, he's guarded, very much so. I'm just asking about how is it guarded because there's something to um hide? Or are they, you know, deeper, right? Because you you felt the resistance, you don't know where it's coming from, but you could then continue to dig. Well, we didn't talk about that in my house. Okay, great. Is that how you want to continue for that to move?

Erica Rawls 37:00

And in your life afterwards, and you know that you dodged a bullet, probably. Right?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 37:04

Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like you knowing yourself, what is important to you. It could, it could be about child raising, it could be about right, anything that's important to you. When you ask that question and you're listening intently, not to interrogate anyone by any means, but watching that body language and how they're responding to you is something there. Right. And you want to know what it is. And if you can continue to have these open conversations, it lets you know if this is someone who not just that you would want to date, but that you would want to have in your life. Right. Like this could be someone who begins to be a friend, but not a suitor. Sure. And that's okay. We need male friends. They give us perspective. So if I ask these questions and you get uncomfortable, are you a good friend for me? Like we need safety and we need clarity. And if I can't ask you questions, where do I put you in my life?

Erica Rawls 38:05

Yeah. You have me thinking about uh one of the brunch episodes that we had, and um, the girls that we had conversation with, they were talking about how they asked these really hard questions on the first date. And I'm like, oh my gosh. I was just thinking on a perspective that if it just feels so overwhelming to me, I'm thinking, okay, is this date over? Like if I'm thinking that way and I'm sure female, yeah, and they had to, I know why they probably didn't, you know, want to return the phone call. So I'm just gonna say, you know, to the you know, the people in the community, Luxies, don't ask the hard questions on the first way. I wouldn't just learn if you even like the way they smile, the way they smell, the way they dress, the way they laugh, the way they eat. Watch the way they eat. Okay, right. Yeah, what shoes do they have? Like all those things, right? And then the next day afterwards, if you like them, then you ask the harder questions. You know, get into the money story. Do they like their mom? You know? Um, you know, how they treat the moms and all that this stuff. So yeah, I just wanted to bring that back. I'm like, ooh, I don't want anyone leaving. Right, you know, well, they said I should be asking hard questions, not on the first day. Okay, just get the first. Yeah, have fun, go and have fun, watch the movie, you know, eat the dinner. Yeah, whatever.

Laura Pesek, CFP 39:14

And be interested in somebody else. Ask questions. Oh, be interested in someone else. Okay, interested in in what somebody likes to do. What are their hobbies? Ask why did you choose to do that? Well, why did you like that?

Erica Rawls 39:31

Yeah, love my head. Yeah. And then we can talk about debt on the next day.

unknown 39:36

Yeah.

Erica Rawls 39:37

Okay, that was all funny what I got things to tell. Yeah. Are you in debt? Right. I need to know how bad is it? How bad is it? So your money story, how did it uh goodness. Yeah.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 39:52

So, as I mentioned earlier, uh, I grew up with a single mom. And my mom was very young when she had us. My sister, she had her at 15 and had me by 17. So she was a baby with babes. And uh, we watched every stage of my mom's life. She was growing up with you, right? Yeah. Growing up with us. And um, I bring that up because you can't fault people for what they don't know. And so we struggled because she did not have a lot of resources, a lot of family who knew anything about money. Um, there were um, she got married at a young age, so we had a stepfather at a at a very young age, and we watched all the dynamics of mothering, of womanhood, of career, of every stage she went through. And it was challenging, very, very challenging for her. And so we moved around a lot. My sister and I were in a bunch of different schools. Um, we moved homes often. Uh, we were never homeless, thank God, we were never like that. Um, but things that we would uh watch our peers just easily navigate, right? Proms and ring dances and all these different things. Like, I did not experience those things. I was great academically, but I did not get to participate in the social aspects because I didn't even want to bring up a problem for my mom. Like I didn't want to bring home some permission slip that now she had to figure out would she be able to pay the rent, utilities, or buy me a prom dress. Like I was self-aware at that time of like I don't want to add anything to her place. So you grew up fast, very fast. Um, and because of that, once I that was one of the reasons I started digging into money, is because I wanted to know for myself, like I wanted to know what do I do? How do I make sure that I can pay the rent? You know, if I get a credit card, how do I even get what is that? Because we didn't talk about credit in my home. We didn't talk about life insurance in my home. Like it was challenging. And so when I started digging in, Googling things, because Google came out when I was in high school. I was gonna say, was Google off it? It came out around the 97, 98, somewhere in there, and um 1900s for those Z. Um that that's a thing, the 1900s. Um and so I started Googling basic things, like how do you get a credit card, how do you get a bank account? And once I started learning it and applying it, then that gave me a little bit more confidence. Like, oh, I can do this. And it was basic stuff, but like it was it was important for me to be empowered because once I learned it, I could do it. And then aha, I got it, right? And so did you go back and share that with your your sister and your mom? Yeah, like I was sharing with everybody, people within a few miles of me, a few feet of me at the grocery store. Like, I could, oh, you want to fix your credit? Because I was reading up and I was just right so happy or excited about it to share, right? And I did have, so there's layers to my money story because we grew up in poverty and we had to learn everything on our own. But once I started making good money in the finance field, I was able to pay my bills. And I realized that the things I did not get to do as a child or as a teen, I didn't want my kids to go through that. So I went through this phase of I could afford the name brands. Okay. So I was going to the outlets and buying name brand things for my kids because I was like, I don't want them to get bullied. You don't want them to be without. And so you have that phase of not having much, and then you get some money, and then you want to make it better for the next generation. And thankfully, my kids were never like label heads, but I wanted them to look like you know, they had it. Right. Um, and so I went through that phase. And I would say probably now the phase that I'm in over the last five or six years is just really what's important to me is that peace, ease, and joy, but it's also conveniences. I want to make sure that if I don't want to cook, I don't have to cook. So I might spend money. On the conveniences of, you know, having food prep or, you know, having a nutritionist, or um, if I don't want to do laundry, I could pay for a laundry service. And there's actually a statistic, and I could give it to you for the podcast as a reference, but it talked about the people that are six-figure earners or affluent people. And again, looking at their statements, what are they spending money on? Oftentimes it's conveniences and it's wellness. So they will spend money on TSA because they don't want to stand in the line. Not that they're better than anybody's, but they know that time is money. And I got to get where I need to go quickly and get out of this line. Um, they will spend money on education. So they will uh spend money on courses and subscriptions to elevate themselves in whatever way. So it's not really about I want to be better than someone, I don't want to ever be in poverty again. It's what can I do to enhance my life in a way that I feel good, I look good, my time matters, and that kind of thing. So that's what I've been finding again, looking back at my statements and what's coming out of my bank account. I'm seeing some of those same things. I'm not seeing just a bunch of labels. I'm seeing what are you spending your time and money on? And it is those things. It is how do I eat better? How do I do this faster, quicker, those kinds of things? Oh, and privacy, right? So if you need to um protect your identity, right? You you pay for those up-leveled or advanced um email accounts or anything like that where you're like, whatever I've built, I want to protect. Right. So I don't want someone easily getting into my bank account or easily getting access to files. So that's another area that people who have a little bit more money that they spend it on things that protect their privacy.

Teaching Kids Credit And Utilization

Erica Rawls 45:48

So I'm curious to know how your children, like what their money story is and how their how they manage their money. Because I am your children. Now, my my parents were giving me all that latest like labels and all that stuff, right? But and um money in our house wasn't chaotic either. Like pretty much anything that I wanted, you know, they would give me. So um I I always share jokingly with people like I'm a princess because my parents raised me that way, because I used to get everything I wanted. Well, I felt like I did, right? And yet I never understood the context of money. So when it came to credit card, the first outing was or my first experience was going on campus. Okay. You know, how they come and like pretty much berade you. Yeah. Just say, hey, get this credit card. And like, oh, credit card, free money, sure. Free money, right? Yeah, sure. And you first get it, and then all of a sudden you're spending it, but like, oh wait, I gotta pay this back. I never share with my parents. I was in credit card debt in college. But do you know that a lot of there's a statistics, I forget what it is. I think it's like uh 57% of all, you know, college students have credit card debt of at least like $3,500. Right. Yeah. So because we're not taught readers, hey yeah, let's go and get it. So that's my money story. So interest. Yeah. So now that I change my, you know, my mindset, like, hey kids, guess what? You know you have to pay your credit cards back, right? And I'll put my, especially my my baby daughter, I'll put her up against anybody when it comes to finances and how to run your money and make your money work for you. I'm like calling her up. Hey, so where did you, oh well, what you want to do is this, right? Like, okay, good. Right. So I'm just grateful that, you know, the mistakes I made. And you know, we come from um a you know, a a culture where it's like, hey, we always want to do better than our parents, right? So my parents do really good, you know. So I'm like, okay, I need to do better for my children. I want my children to do better for their children. So it's working out. Yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 47:43

How do you, when you said about the credit card that, like, how soon did you realize, you know, because you you made a huge point there. I get a credit card, now it's paid off. Yeah. Like someone had to teach you that. I I think that kids just don't realize it and it's and it's like you you get that huge balance and then and then you realize, like, how soon did you realize, like, oh my gosh, I do need to be paying this back to where you didn't get into a bad habit of spending too much. Right? Because that's that's what it is. It's it's not like you bought something for $3,500, right? You were like, oh gosh, I have this free money, I'm gonna go out or I'm gonna buy this. So thankfully for you, you are you realize that early on. It's the little things that keep adding up. And then and you don't realize, okay, well, now I only can pay this minimum. Yes. And this interest is 35%. Yeah. And now we have a late fee because I didn't pay it, or I didn't realize, oh my gosh, I didn't pay enough. Yeah. And then you and then you spiral. So it was early on for you.

Erica Rawls 48:50

It was so that I got my first monthly statement. But here's the thing about the interest, it was a special rate. So it was 0% interest for like six months. I mean, I was like, hey, yay, all right. And then you raise it, you spend it up to like $3,500. That's right. You're like, oh my gosh, I gotta pay this back. You know, because you would go out, you get your outfits for the weekend, could you go into the party, you want to look good, right? So yeah. That's why I did tell my yeah, my children, hey, when you get on campus, say no. Do not touch a credit card.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 49:18

But that's the thing, like the perspective for a young adult is it's free money. It's not free money. It was a big for me, it's a little bit paying back, right? It's the bank's money. And so I have young adult children between 25 and 35, four of them. And again, God bless our older kids. Listen, I was learning, they were learning from my mistakes. Right. But the younger kids, they know better because we got better at money. And so my youngest, 25, he has paid his car off. It was in his name. He got it when he got his first job. And he literally paid his car note. He divided his monthly payment by four. And he was getting paid weekly. So he divided his monthly payment by four, and he was paying on his car note um every week. He was never late. How are you late when you're paying every single week? Um, but what that also did was that cut out all that interest that would have accrued over a 30-day period. He was cutting that. And then I said, Well, hey, pay a little like five dollars more each week. And so he was paying $20 more because he was paying extra. That's awesome. I said all that to say is his very first car, he was able to pay it off earlier than the five years that they had quoted him. Um, and so now he has this $10,000 asset that if something happens, he could sell the car, he could leverage it, whatever, like that. And even with his bank accounts and his small credit card limits, I taught him about utilization. So you're not wanting to do more than 30% utilization, at least what's being reported, right? Each statement. And so he's very AO, he's like, okay, here's my limit. 30% is this. And he'll what he'll do is he'll have the cash in his bank account, but he'll use his capital one or whatever, and he'll swipe up the gas that he needs for work that week. Yeah, and then when he gets paid, he pays it off.

Erica Rawls 51:10

So he pays a statement balance because there's a minimum balance and you have a statement balance. People don't know. Yeah, there's a difference that crew in the interest.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 51:17

But to that point, the younger kids are doing better because we're doing better. Right. We understand more, we can communicate that in a way where they get it. So when those statements come in, we show them, okay, you see the statement balance, the da da. And so he is like our poster child for like doing it the right way with peace, ease, and joy. He doesn't worry about anything, and he is not a frivolous spender at all. Like, even if he wants something and he has the money, he will be like, I'm gonna pay each week till I can. He don't spend no lump sum. He has it, but he won't just do it because he's very conscious. Not because he had a power impoverished upbringing, but because we were able to say, You're in control of this. Yes. You get to choose if it's debit card or credit card. And so, you know, I I believe that the more we know and the more we can communicate, then the more we can show them.

Laura Pesek, CFP 52:12

I think though, that's that is important to show them though. Get them that credit card. My son's first credit limit was $300. So he knew he knew he couldn't go above it. Even when he had to go get his inspection, yeah. He's like, Mom, it's $400. I can't put that on my credit card. I said, Well, I think you have learned how to use this now. And he started to build him up some credit, build himself some credit by paying it off every single month. I'm like, use your credit card. It's okay to put your gas on there. I know you have it. He was used to using his debit card, which was tied to his bank account. So he knew he only had so much. Yeah. So I think teaching your kids early on when they start getting some money, some savings, or maybe even um gifts they've gotten for Christmas or for graduation or whatever, putting that money aside, having even that debit card to know, like, look, I cannot take more. I don't want to be um overdrawing my account and having fees on top of that, then getting them to build their own credit. There are good credit card companies out there that will allow those kids to build credit um so that they can get it on their own, so that they can get that car note in their own um name and build that credit. But it starts with being responsible with those credit cards. Yeah. Looking at the statement, okay, this is how much you did, um, this is how much you did spend this month. Okay, all right, now this is pretty much what you're spending each month. It's okay to put on your credit card, just know that that's gonna come out um and that's gonna be due every single month.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 53:53

Right.

Laura Pesek, CFP 53:54

And then, you know, getting that set up on some kind of automatic payment so that you don't forget to pay it.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 54:02

Yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 54:03

As well as like the discipline. Right. Look at your son, he knows how much he can spend each and every month. And if he does spend some money, it's okay. He is in control. I think that's so key. The control of it. Yeah. And looking again, I think I think the hard part is that everything is online now, and it's hard to take that little extra time. I'm used to getting those statements in the mail so you can see them, right? I think having the kids get involved in seeing their money and uh on the computer, this isn't your actual balances, and and putting it in a way that they have it working for them. Build that credit, but also um have it in something that is building some interest too. Yeah. Even if it's just a money market account at the bank, earning something more than just the savings account. Because you know the bank's not gonna say, Oh, you know what? There's another way that you can earn some more money. Do you think they're gonna just offer that up? No, no, no, they have your money and it's not working for you. So you have to be smart. Google, yeah, educate yourself and don't believe everything that you do, read on the internet. Be smart, do your research. Yeah, nothing's really so helpful today to ask those questions um about how do I begin? Right, where do I look? What's this what's the number one step I should take?

Erica Rawls 55:27

Yeah, I think that's so true. And to add to that, um, as far as looking over your finances, having a weekly check-in. You know, have a dedicated day where you're actually looking at your finances because we look at everything else instead of scrolling, be like, okay, can this be my time to actually look at my finances? You know, um, because I think that's really important. So weekly check-ins are very, very important. And and also to another point, I want to share a quick story with you. So, in order to help my children build their credit, because that was important to us. I was like, Okay, I don't want to start from zero. Um, I added them to one of our um credit cards. It was my credit cards, and it helped them tremendously. But the funny part is the one my one um um child uh called me and said, Hey mom, um, can you take me off yours off your credit card? I said, Why? She's like, Because you're at 30%. I'm like, huh? Are you kidding me? Like, what are you doing looking at my statements and pictures? I'm like, you're good. No, he just take me off. I love that. I hung up and I just start laughing. I was like, these kids get on my nerves. You teach them too much, but yes. So just that alone is like a um a strategy. However, if you're not fun, if you're not financially um, what's the word, um able to stay within a certain angulation as the percentage rate, yeah, don't do that because you're just gonna do more harm than good. Right.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 56:45

Um, you know, to the person that you're but that's how he was able to get that card because his sister is a few years older than him. And when she got to college, we started her with a secured card and she had done well with it and they made it unsecured. So when that happened, we added her brother as an authorized user. He was left 15 at the time, he didn't get access to the card, but we just added it so he could have some history. So by the time he graduated at 18, he had three years of history on his credit file, and he was able to go in, get pre-approved for auto loan. He got off work that day. We went to the dealer and he had his car. He didn't believe me. Because he was like, he was like, Mom, I'm tired of asking for a ride to go to work. And I was like, You ready to get a car? He was like, Yeah. So while he was at work, I did his application so he could get the pre-approval. So I screenshot, I said, You're pre-approved. He was like, What? I said, You're pre-approved for a car, boy. We get off of work and I go into the dealer, right? So we get off, we go to the dealer, and he's just like, okay, now what? So I told him, I said, Don't tell them how much money you lost. So he said, Well, what should I tell them? Because they're gonna want a down payment. Sure. So I said, tell them you got $400. He was like, Okay. So when the man comes, he's like, Oh, you know, you're pre-approved, and you know, we'll look for cars in a moment, but how much you got to put down? He's like, $400. He was like, We can work with that. I'll wait that. I'm like, you know, because he had about a thousand in the bank. But I'm like, don't tell them all your money. No, don't. You know, because they don't they want to make the deal. Right. So I said, Tell him $400. And he can see you're young. He don't know, right? So sure enough, he goes in, he gets a uh Toyota Corolla, good one gas, right? Easy to fit. Yeah, you know, and it's still, I think he financed it at like $18,000 or whatever with the sale price. And it's still worth $10,000 right now. And he owns it outright because he paid it off early. So, but to that point, we started with the authorized user. So he had a history, yeah, so he could get his own approval in the own name, and he was responsible with paying it every week.

Managing Debt Before Chasing Debt-Free

Erica Rawls 58:53

So yeah, we're only saying this if you are responsible. Don't go out there putting people on your cards. You know, we want to spend it up to 90% utilization. Don't do that. You're not helping them at all. Okay, remember that. Okay. Don't say, well, I'm gonna add my child to no, don't do that. Hey Luxis, if you're looking for a construction company, I have just the one for you. They are great at everything. You want to know why I know? Because I use them personally, Top Construction, check them out. They are reasonable and they get the job done. Now back to the show. So we called us thought a little bit, and uh, let's talk about debt because debt is huge, okay? So, what are some of the ways that we can actually help someone to get out of debt without them feeling like they're stuck or have shame behind it?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 59:36

Yeah. So you mentioned Ramsey. Um, most people will say, Well, what should I do as far as being managed? The debt, I believe that should be managed first before you just jump out to I'm paying everything off. Because what do you mean by manage? Manage the debt, right? So if you have mortgage, you've got a car, you've got some cards, whatever. You have to be able to manage that load as a part of that spending plan. So it's not just the utilities and the food, it's also the minimal debt payments. So collectively, yeah, do you have enough money coming in to handle all of that and also have some joy? If you can do all of that, eventually you will pay it off. But like you mentioned about having a system and being able to um build a new habit, right? So people go, I want to get, I want to be debt-free. We hear that all the time. Debt free, debt-free. Manage it first. Know that I I bring in X amount, this is what goes out of the door, and it's managed well. And how do you know that? Because you don't have insufficients, you don't have overdraft fees, you're managing your resources well. That's how you know if you're managing well. Okay. Yes, you can choose the debt snowball or the avalanche. And for those who don't know, it's really are you going to pay off the highest interest cards first or are you gonna pay off the lower balance cards first? I always tell clients who are focusing on that, it's what's gonna keep you consistent and happy. So if you're someone who needs more instant gratification, then maybe you pick to pay off the cards with the smaller balances first because you can see, oh, my balance was $200. And instead of dragging that out for 24 months, I paid it off in 30 or 60 days. And now, hooray, hooray, hooray, you build your confidence that you could do this. I could literally get out of debt if I want to. So if you're someone who doesn't look at things like, oh, the long haul, I need short, gratifying moments, then you start that way. So that winning must you build it up because with all of us, we need to know that we can do it. So if you're someone who needs to see, oh, in six months I paid off two small cards, hooray. Now take that money and apply to the next cards that have higher limits. So it might take a little bit longer, but you already proved to yourself that you could do it and you prove to the lender that you could do it, right? And so what's the lender gonna do? Try to increase your limit because you did the right thing. And they're like, oh, your card is now 750 instead of 500. Don't go spending or take that clap on the back, take that and be like, I did the work, and they're incentivizing me by increasing my limits. So when I say manage it first, get to know that you can do it, and then you can continue to I would add to that too.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:02:29

I would I would agree with that philosophy. I I think that the number one step is that you do need to look at what you have. If you don't know how much in debt you are, right, you're never going to know open up the envelope. Yes, how about that? Yes. Take a look and write it down. Yeah, how much do I really have? What are the minimum payments on each of these? What is that? Really spell it all out. And you're right. Do I have enough coming in? And then I would absolutely agree with you because I've told people this thing, start with the smallest one first because then you'll feel like you're taking those forward steps. It's very, very hard when you keep seeing that those balances are going down very slow. You get right a little impatient. So I would say get those and then cut them off, right? You don't need them. You don't need to open up the store credit cards anymore or the incentives. You're gonna just make this a focus, get rid of them because it will help their credit score too. If you have multiple lines of credit open, you're gonna want to close those cards because as they raise those limits, that will affect your credit score then too. Because oh, it's keep the cards open no matter what.

Erica Rawls 1:03:43

Is that not a thing anymore? Because so by closing them, it's gonna hurt your credit.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:03:48

Yeah, you you would want to keep your relationships open with those creditors, even if you pay it down to zero. All right, okay. Closing them, you will lose points on your score for closing the relationship because that is actually part of the the pie character that you have the open lines, right? Okay, but to your point, you don't have to spend it just because you have it, you know what I mean? If you have the account, because I remember back in the day, right? American Eagle used to be really popular for a lot of people to go and buy their clothes and do other things. And my kids actually told me they was like, we don't shop at American Eagle anymore. But we used to have American Eagle charge cards, right? When I was back in my later days. So you know, and so we would go up to American Eagle and buy stuff and pay it off and buy some pay it off. And they're like, we don't wear those shirts anymore. So I would not go lose points on my credit because they didn't want to shop at America or Eagle. So I still had the line open, but we just weren't using the card anymore, right? So you it's 10% of your credit scores having these open lines, right? So um, but to your point, some people they see these open lines of credit and they're just like, oh, I can go and swipe up some more, right?

Erica Rawls 1:04:53

So it's being responsible. If you're not responsible, then close the your card. Yeah. I mean, it'd probably take a couple uh months before it actually, I guess, heals your credit. Would heal? Right. But it's better than if you're, you know, um enticing yourself to want to spend something.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:05:08

Yeah, you're kind of fakes bus session. So yeah, like closing the credit card does affect it in some way. You're right. Yeah, I kind of forgot about that. Yeah, um, I just remember like seeing that like if your limits are high, even though you maybe don't have valences on them all, you know, having having the ability to charge more does affect uh credit.

Erica Rawls 1:05:26

Yeah, self-control that it's so in the conversation that we're having, I always like to make this um very clear. The conversation we're having is someone that actually has the ability to pay off their debt, right? They just made bad financial decisions. Okay. There are some that just um are in a position where they can no longer pay their debt. They don't have enough money at the end of the month, they have more debt than they have money that comes in, you know. So let's just say you owe $2,500 and you're only bringing in a thousand, right? That's very dramatic. So then there's other things that people should be looking at, other ways um to resolve the issues. They're in. So that's not the conversation. We're not the people or the uh the episode you should be looking at. You probably should be talking to a debt counseling service, right? Um, so they can actually help you overcome your um your challenge. So the people we're talking to today is okay, well, we decided to to run up some credit cards here. You know, we may have um, you know, 2,500, but I'm bringing in five thousand dollars, right? So those are the people that yeah, we're saying, hey, guess, guess what? You need to pick between a snowball effect or avalanche method, right? Um, and then whatever one works, just stick with it. Right. Yeah. That's who we're talking to, right? Yeah. Yeah. Um plan, get a plan. Get a plan, yeah. What leads me to um back to the um to the budgeting part of it. Um, how would you set them up? We talked about a little bit, but I want to talk about let's talk about how they can actually set up an actual budget so they can walk away from this um episode here, this brunch episode that we're having, that they can come up and actually start budgeting. How would you start them off?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:07:03

I start the how do you say middle income or upper middle income people? I start them the same way I start the lower income people because it's about structure. So going back to the CFPB that I referenced earlier, they have a framework, a loose framework for how you should structure your expenses. So they go 50, 30, 20. So 50% of your focus should be on your expenses, the things that you have to pay every single month. Then like your mortgage, your car payment, guys, your food, your gas, your insurance policy payments, all of those things in the 50% of your income category. And then it will be 30% for your wants and then 20% for your savings, investments, and things of that. Some people will even put like their tithing or their giving into that 20% category. Now I've had people to say, because I grew up in poverty and I know what that feels like to be so tight that this framework does not work. And so I tell them you have the flexibility to make this pie chart whatever's reflective of where you are now. So if you're a 90-10, okay. That doesn't mean you're always going to be there, right? But you have to start, like you mentioned, looking at everything, making sure you know why it's 90-10. Why is this 90-10? Right. Are my expenses too high? Is my car payment too high? You you would be able to know that by structuring it. But ideally, they want you to be able to not overextend. So if 50% is on everything you have to do, and then 30% is you enjoying yourself, and then 20% is, yeah, I have some long-term goals. I want to retire, I want to buy a house, I want to do this and that. So you're able to, if you lose that as a loose framework, you can structure it based on what your current situation is. If you're someone, you don't have two incomes coming in the house, it's just you and maybe your children, then it might be tight right now. But when you get some access to that, maybe extra money, maybe it's a tax return or some kind of bonus at work, something like that. Then if when you've looked at everything and the reason why you're at 90-10 is because you have high expenses, well, maybe you take that extra money and you try to get those expenses down. Right. If that means paying off one of those cards so that your minimal payment is not as high or whatever, you can use that extra money to take care of that. So you could get closer to that 50-30-20. Right. Because that gives you the freedom to be responsible and enjoy your life. Right. So for those who are not financially challenged, 50-30-20 is fair. You could change it to higher one, want to do it because maybe your expenses aren't that high. You're at like a 30% expenses. So now you can invest more, you can do more fun stuff. So as a pie chart, right? 50-30-20 is fair.

Erica Rawls 1:09:52

Okay. And if 50% are your essentials, the 30% is your wants, and the 20% is for investments. Yes, got it.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:09:59

Okay. And that's that's pretty much how I I feel too, is that you gotta start with something. And yes, and I and if we're talking to younger folks today, you know, if you are in that position where you're just getting started, and and again, maybe this is more money than you've ever had. Um, a lot of the um employers are offering the 401k plan. Yes. If you just start early, start saving, take advantage of those plans. Um, I'm not sure we're gonna get into specific recommendations here, but if it's just again, putting money aside from your personal checking account to cover those 50%, maybe put that money into the savings account. So it's outside of your checking account and start building for those goals. Um, and take advantage of those um those retirement plans. Start early. You know, even if it's a little bit, it is okay. A step in the right direction um will will really compound that effect.

Erica Rawls 1:11:01

Yeah, keep going because actually that was the the next topic that I want to discuss, like where should your money go? So you have this extra money. Yes. Um, you have the 20%. You weren't working on that 50, 30, 20. So the 20%. So where should we put it?

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:11:15

I would definitely say just a rule of thumb is build yourself that emergency fund. Once you kind of get yourself out of debt, build that emergency fund above and beyond if it's retirement goals or the house fund or car fund. Um, and a rule of thumb is have about six months of your living expenses because something could happen at your jocks. Something could come up, you know, all for those people that own a home. It could be the roof, something happens on the house. Um, something happens to your car. So just having that emergency fund couldn't sure you just had someone's heart go into their stomach. You said I had to save six months of my salary. No, six months of your expenses. I might have said salary. No, I heard expensive. I was expensive.

Erica Rawls 1:12:01

Salary. I'm like, Lord, she just lost a whole lot of people. Expenses. Yeah. Okay, I'm so glad I asked. I was like, you just lost a lot of people right now.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:12:14

It would be a good rule of thumb because if you lose your salary, if that thing, if something happens to your job, you know, and especially as you build um your future together with a significant other or you get married, your job situation is gonna constantly be changing. So to have just that flexibility of a cushion to fall back on, it's gonna be okay. Okay, this is a temporary thing so that you don't get yourself into debt again because of the unexpected. Yeah, you have options and you can make better decisions.

Erica Rawls 1:12:46

They don't have to be rushed. Like, I need this eye more than it needs me. So you're you're you lose a job, you start another job just because you need that income coming in. Exactly.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:12:55

Yeah. All right. You could be more selective or or again, maybe you left that job for another opportunity. Maybe you want to change career paths, and this will give you the time to to think about it. Yeah, have some some choices to make instead of jumping into it.

Erica Rawls 1:13:11

So after the emergency fund, then what are we talking about? Investing. Where would you recommend investing? I know you can't give a lot of investments, you know.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:13:19

Yeah, yeah. So if I I often do a talk on the seven strings of income and assets to build wealth. So if I could say anything, it would be indexes, and you might agree with me. So indexes are a way for you not to put all your eggs in one basket, as the old timers would say. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. But what they really mean is don't just invest in one stock company per se. Even if they're household names and you're very familiar with these brands, that is an example of just putting one dollar into that particular company. We they they perform every day on the market. However, when you're thinking about it, it's like you can't control what the CEO does, you can't control what products they roll out, or you don't have anything to do with what decisions are being made. And so when we start to see volatility in that company, it could be industry related, it could be something that they're doing company-wide, and you don't want to see all your eggs go down just because you're you're not actively involved in the management of what these companies are doing. So indexes allow you to participate in the market per se, from the aspect of being in different industry sectors all at once. You can be um more diverse, different size of companies, different size of companies, different um indexes, right? And so when we're thinking about whether it's $5 or $3,000 that you can put into something like that, it allows you to be somewhat um diverse in what you're spending on. And then you don't even have to be the expert of what companies should I put my money in. If you have what they call an investment advisor, um, someone who's licensed in investments, then they can help you to figure out not just what is gonna get you growth, but they could help you figure out, well, what is your comfort level? Right. If and when this index or the market changes. Yeah. So they'll ask you a myriad of questions to learn, yes, what's your time frame for needing to use this money? Maybe it's 20 years out. So that gives them an idea of how aggressive you can be with your investments. Yeah. And it will also give them an idea of like, what's your interest? Because there's even something called um investing in your values. Where if you're someone who's like, hey, I don't want to put my money in um what they call sin stocks, you know, things that have to do with tobacco or um uh artillery or um porn or you know, certain things that that don't align with who you are, then if you have an investment advisor, they know which of these companies support or don't support those kinds of things. So it's not just about, okay, I will I put in a certain amount and then when I'm 50, I want to see X amount of my account. That's a thing.

Erica Rawls 1:16:18

Yeah, but it shouldn't be the only thing that's driving you when you're thinking about putting your money somewhere for the Okay, so why not? If it's okay, I want to have this X amount of money in my account when you're 50. Like that's a thing, but it shouldn't be the driving force.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:16:30

It's not everything, it's not the whole equation. Well, I will say, because I'm a holistic investment advisor. So my perspective is I'm looking at the person that I'm talking to and what's important to them. So, yes, we've done the math and we know what you need by 50 if that's your goal. But I also want to know who are you and why does this even matter? So I'm a person that can help you to invest based on what those things are. Right. I I've talked to a lot of people who believe that, you know, I'll retire when I become eligible for social security. I'm social security advisor. Okay. And I've had people who are like, I want to retire when the math says I retire. Like my husband is retired and I'm 46. Yeah. So we are like two peas in a pie. We're everywhere together. But to that point, somebody might have that goal. Is that I want to be in my late 40s, early 50s, running around doing what I want to do. Well, you gotta make the math math for that. Right. And that the the savings account isn't gonna make that happen. Yeah. That's for stability and for the what ifs. Your investments are what help you to be able to create that kind of life.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:17:38

That's good. You have anything you want to add? Um, and I guess too, also making sure uh along the lines of what she was saying, um, to get the um investment that aligns with your values. Um, also, too, it's important to talk about how is that money gonna be taxed to you, right? Um, it's not just that's the elephant faking all that money is how is that money taxed to you. So yeah, um disclosure, I'm not a CPA and not a lawyer. So when we talk about these things that relate to our business, um, we're just advising clients on ways that they can keep more money in their pockets, right? Because as you're seeing, whatever the goals are, you know, all of us grew up with putting money in 401ks. If you want to save for retirement, you should save in your 401k. And now as I'm dealing with my clients that are retired, they're they don't want to take the money out of the right now, it's because they don't want to be taxed on it, right? Yeah, they want to spend the money, but they say, well, if I take this money out, I have to pay taxes on it. So it's important to know about how taxes affect your um long-term money as well. And there's always again that that scale, that balance between when do I want to take the money out, how much am I gonna pay taxes on it, where is it gonna come? Is it gonna be social security? Do I have a pension or not? Yeah. If I'm not someone who has a pension who's fortunate enough to have that, because as we know, the uh industry has evolved, moving away from those companies that took care people after 34 years. Yep. You know, the the industry has changed. People don't stay at the same jobs for years like they used to, where the company gives you a pin after 30 years, here's your pension. So a lot of it has fallen on our shoulders to make sure that we are saving enough money. And and again, not only when it comes time to take that money up, how how much of that will I be able to keep? So the earlier you start and um things like again, I'm I'm not a tax professional in that way, but we do advise our clients if you're gonna start with something early, take a look at a Roth IRA. Having that money be able to grow and compound tax-free, I think is really a great investment tool for our um young folks to take a look at. Yeah. Um, I also have a lot of background working with young um professionals, young doctors specifically. So um I in my business do um focus a lot on the protection side of it. Um, so these are things that young folks need to think about. Look at those disability insurance plans. Look at life insurance. A lot of your employers, it is um a great benefit to have those. Um, please take a look at those um benefits and and be smart about protecting yourself because a lot of the reasons why um people have run into financial difficulty is because of something like that. I had a work accident or I was in an accident and now I can't work. So now my paycheck is not coming. So just making sure you have that solid foundation of protection in place. Um, we all are gonna have something happen at some point. We're all not living forever. Right. Um so having those very basic plans in place. Um, and then on uh when it comes to retirement, making sure that you have the right mix between um risk and safety. And what does that mean to you? Because we're all different. Yeah, yeah.

Protection Planning For Entrepreneurs

Erica Rawls 1:21:11

So just to set the playing field, a lot of the people that are part of our community, they're entrepreneurs. So like the 401k plans, right? We're like those, yeah. What are you talking about? So I like about like the the the the life insurance because I myself have a whole life policy, right? And I use that as literally um to build up to be my own bank. Yeah, this is what I'm saving it up to be. So um are there any besides the whole life policy? Because I know enough just to to help myself, like Sarah, if I could be that's expert, because I'm not. Yeah, yeah. Is there anything else that may have run their own business that you would recommend that hey, okay, this is a way that you can retire too, right? Yeah, yeah. I can talk about real estate all day long. No, yes, you want to invest in real estate, you know, if it makes sense for you, rental properties, whatever, all that good stuff. But anything outside of the real estate realm, like would you recommend anything for someone that's you know?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:22:08

Yeah, I do. I I love risk management. I'm a risk-adverse person, just in nature, right? I like I'm not the person that's gonna be skydiving a dawdle. I don't even get on roller coasters. Yeah, same. Um, but it's because I understand that there are risks involved with doing risky things, right? But to your point, when you're an entrepreneur and you're having to build everything from scratch, right? It's hard enough figuring out what you're good at, what what's your talent and doing that consistently and being amazing at it and making money from it. Right. And then you make all this money and then you're like, okay, now now what do I do? How do I protect it? Correct. How do I keep it growing? And so when I think about risk management, it is those policies, right? It is those protection of the income that you're bringing in. So a lot of times insurance companies will talk with you about all these different product types. There will be term, there will be IULs, there will be whole life, there will be annuities, there will be all these things that provide added level of protection. And what they're really saying is, what if you get sick? What happens to your business? What happens to your income? What happens to your household? Not just can you be medically cared for, but financially, what does that do for your your household? Yeah. The other part of that is, okay, what if you unfortunately pass away? Untimely death, accidents, medical condition. It happens every day. So when we're thinking about I'm building a business that will outlive me, like potentially you could sell it, your kids might want to pick it up, right? Something. But when you talk to a licensed insurance agent, insurance agents are able to, if they're a broker, they would have access to a myriad of different companies that they could look through the policy types for you. If you're able to articulate what's important, maybe you're someone who makes a lot of money and you and your mate may have children. So then now you're like, okay, I need to protect the income from my business in a way where if I get sick and I can't work, or if unfortunately I pass away, that they can be okay financially. These kids can still go to school, or my spouse can still up-level the house. Whatever we had talked about, we would do if we both were here and healthy. But if I pay this premium in exchange for that protection, because that's what's happening, I'll pay my monthly or annual premium. And in exchange for that, this insurance company is gonna make sure that these things still happen. So it's not the sexy stuff. I always say that it's not sexy, right? But it is necessary that if I can afford conveniences, if I can afford enjoyment, that I also can afford some premium. Those premiums will make sure that if I have cough, cold, flu, I can go get checked out and it will be taken care of. But if I need surgery, if I have a need issue, that could be taken care of. And some of these policies will, if you have what they call a uh stoppage of your income coming in, that they will pay a certain percentage of your revenue so that you can continue to focus on your well-being while there's money still coming in. But it's not coming in from your business because you might not be able to do anything right then, but it's coming from the insurance company. Right. And who backs up the financial industry? Insurance companies. When 9-11 happened, who upheld everything? Insurance companies backed up the banks. Yeah. So people are like, I don't trust insurance. Why not? Banks trust them, right? So you make sure that as you're building your business, you're building a family, you want to make sure that the what ifs are in place. What if I get sick? What if I pass away? What if this industry now tanks and I have to figure something else out? Is there a policy that I can pull cash out of that can sustain us while I figure out my new trajectory?

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:26:25

And to your point, there's there are a myriad of policies that are available just specifically for what goals you're talking about for the individuals that are self-employed or someone who does not have a 401k to where you can overfund these policies. Yes, yeah, and and as a way to grow that money on a tax-free basis. Yeah. It's there for you to utilize as your tax-free retirement income for yourself. And there's been a big shift in the industry from um having like long-term care insurance, right? Because people are living longer, long-term care insurance is very expensive, to where that type of policy that you were just referring to will allow you as the primary policy owner to advance that life insurance as a death benefit for your long-term care. Yeah. So for a lot of people don't know that when you bought a policy 20, 30 years ago, we threw it in the drawer, the agent maybe is retired. You don't have any idea what's going on with this policy. So we always tell people when you come to see us, let's do a financial checkup, let's do a financial inventory. There's a lot of those policies because people are living longer, that you might be able to upgrade to a policy that you can have for long term care, that you can have that cash value growth, that you can utilize to um fund for your retirement. But you do need to take a look at those policies. They have changed. The industry, the insurance industry really does live. Listen to what consumers are looking for. And I can tell you that in my 30 plus years of business, I have seen the industry get better and better. Just the policies, the ability for clients to ask for things and now be able to have, let's call it an add-on, a rocket flexibility to have that plan grow with them. Again, as your needs change, you know, we're shifting a little bit from the how do we cover debt to now we have our debt under control. Now we're going to be able to move forward and save. For some of us that have utilized all these other plans and we have money left over that we want to save. This is making your money work for you.

Women Investing And Speaking Up

Erica Rawls 1:28:47

Make your money for you. Yeah percent. I don't know. It's probably like, oh my gosh, okay, if this is a lot for you, that's okay. Take a deep breath. Yeah, it's a lot for anyone that does not know anything about um, you know, building wealth when it comes to the insurance policies or the indexes. You're not supposed to know. That's why you hire people to do that, right? So I just wanted to say, because I was like, okay, people are like, okay, you're in over my I'm in over my hand right now. That's okay. You're supposed to be supposed to be happy. And that leads me to another question, then is like for women though, it's so intimidating when it comes to investing. Like, what can you say to our luxies out there? Like, hey, yeah, do something.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:29:25

Start investing. Yes. And I and I will say one thing that us as women are very good at is telling others about great experiences that we've had.

Erica Rawls 1:29:35

Oh, that's uh, yeah, we do. We do like to boast about it. Yeah, we need to go to such and such. Because they barely, yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:29:41

So so as I think about this network of of uh of people that you have, your followers, um, I just think we're all so good at that. Um, I know that when I have a great experience, I want to share it with others. So just start asking people, who do you know? Who have you talked to to help with this need? Ask for help. Um, people that have a great experience will love to share that. Don't go to the internet because the people that um have a bad experience, they want to share their loud bad experiences, right? Um, it's usually the folks are gonna tell you word of mouth. Oh, I had a great experience with Constance. She she helped me so much. Um, our clients, we invite them to our events. So they're uh in that environment and they love us, but they also really love and care about the people that they want to help, their friends and family. So, so ask around who have you used for this? Um, that's a great place to start because as females, we are connectors and don't feel like you're alone. Um, I know that in a lot of um family um situations, um, it used to be where maybe the man was the person who handled the money. You know, we see that a little more changing now to where, you know, the woman is the person who handles the finances, or maybe she gets put in a position where she has to now because her husband um has passed away. So don't be afraid. It is okay. There are people that can help you. Um, we have um we handle a lot of um situations where um people have passed away in our business. We have the um a large client base, and those people uh are now coming to us as the beneficiaries saying, I don't know what to do. And that could be the spouse, that could be the kids, and we sit down with them and help them talk about well now what you should do. Yeah, the steps. Um, just just take it one day at a time, but ask for help. It is okay.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:31:44

Yeah. Um, I was getting ready to we're on the same page. I was getting ready to touch on that because a lot of times, especially if the man handles the money, and then the wife trusts that he trusts, she trusts his opinion, things are going well, so why would I disturb what he's doing? But in those financial planner, uh financial advisor meetings, if you're a woman who doesn't know a lot about money, please speak up. Yes, in those meetings, that planner or advisor is not just the planner advisor of the man. Right. It's your household planner, right? And don't be afraid to say, I don't understand. Say, well, wait, what did you what did you mean? Breaking that down a little bit. Break down for me. Speak up. Because to your point, uh historically, women are outliving men. And so if you inherit all these investment accounts that the man has established with his planner over the years, and you know nothing about what he did, how it works, yes, you inherit a million or two million or more, but you're sitting there not knowing anything about how to get the money out, if you're gonna be taxed on it, if it goes to the kids or to you, like you don't know anything about it because you were just living in this comfortable bubble of he's got it. He's got it. Right. And so when you inherit this money, there are statistics that show, especially the widowed, the female widows that inherit money, they oftentimes will leave that planner because they never felt important all those years. Oh, so then you never talk to me. At the meeting, better job, too. Exactly. So we're thinking about do I have a voice in this whole thing? You do, yeah, right? Even if those are monies coming from his businesses and the stay-at-home mom or whatever, you still have a voice in what happens to me and the kid if something happens to him. Yeah. And so you want to know how this works if that occurs? Being able to say, okay, well, do I get to set up an account as well? Or am I gonna be the sole beneficiary of this money? Um, being able to pick your own things that you would want.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:34:06

The other thing he said in those meetings, I often hear, well, um my husband's more aggressive than I am, and that's okay. That is okay. But and many times it is like that's that's he wants to be aggressive with his account, but here we have this meeting because the woman is feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling uncomfortable about the market. Yeah. And they'll say, Well, we're gonna think about it. But yet she said, I want to be more conservative with my investment. It is okay to speak up. You don't have to choose the same, especially if it was your account that you worked for. It was your money that's in your plan. It is okay to have different risk paleries or different feelings or different thoughts for what you want to have. And in other times, too, uh, we have uh maybe uh someone that wants to be the spender, and then the other, yeah, uh, the significant other wants to pass it on to the kids, right? You you need to communicate that in that plan because you never know when something's gonna happen. So you want to have those wishes be um spoken out loud, have that voice. It is it's perfectly okay to want certain things that are different than our significant other. And as a planner, we need to be listening to those wishes and kind of maybe even being the the mediator between that conversation. Help, I hear, I hear what you're saying. You know, let's talk about this, and maybe be that voice for the woman who maybe doesn't feel like she can speak up or is is afraid of speaking up that maybe this was a a uh a uh a painful conversation that they they are having to be afraid because they don't make the most money.

Erica Rawls 1:36:02

They thought they don't have a shit at the table because they don't make the most money. No, I'm here to say your money counts too, right?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:36:08

Yes. I've even had it where the woman is the mouthpiece in the meeting, right? So the man he makes the money, it goes in the pot, and then he's like, Well, my wife, she handles it all, right? So he don't know nothing about nothing. He just knows that he goes out and makes it, yeah, it goes in that account, and that's all he's responsible for. And then the woman is like, Well, I invest in this for us, and I've seen it chargeable ways, right? But I still in those meetings, I hear what she's saying, and I'm taking good notes and everything, and I look him dead in the face and say, Hey Bill, what do you think about that? Yes, and he'll be so uncomfortable because he's like, Well, USD meetful. And I'm like, Because it's important for you to know what's going on and have a voice too. And then then he perks up. He's like, Well, I can't, I matter. I kind of feel like you know what I mean. So it's it's not, we're not stereotyping, right? We see a myriad of things, but as as far as our profession goes, when we're listening to these different money stories, when we are listening to these different risk tolerances, it all makes sense because we're the ones that have to come up and make it all work out for their good, right? If you if you have couples, right? I'm listening to what he's saying, I'm listening to what she's saying. And thankfully, we do have like systems and protocols that can make it a lot easier for us to specify here's what he has and what he needs and what he's saying, here's what she has, or whatever the combination is. But to that point, everybody has a voice at that table.

unknown 1:37:41

Yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:37:42

And we all bring experiences from our own money background.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:37:46

Yeah.

Risk Timing And Planning Ahead

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:37:47

Um, and that's where you have to find the the planner or the person right for you. If it's if it's in a relationship with another person that you want to be with, or if it's on the financial side too. I mean, we all have different viewpoints, we have different things that we have been through, we have experiences um when it even comes to our recommendation. Yes, you know, maybe it was, you know, our client base has experienced a lot of this. So then we want to share those experiences, or maybe we've had some people that have made this mistake and we want to let you know this is what we recommend so that you don't make the same mistakes that others have had. Right. Yes, I want to share a funny story with you, kind of off topic, but made me think of um, you know, mistakes that we've made, and especially in our business. Um, I uh my my kids grew up in COVID, so I had my kids' college funds um invested in the stock market. And uh so uh two of them back to back, and um part of this emotional side of money is the greed or the fear. So when the market was doing really good, I didn't really see a need to make a change. And then as COVID comes into play, we know what happened, and that's for like this, you know, since 2008, we've not really had a time in the market where we've seen something so dramatic happen. And so I've got my kids that are applying for schools, and here I am making the cardinal sin of having all of my money invested so aggressively with those kids coming up to that finish line at 100% of my kids' money invested in the stock market. So when the market came down, I lost a lot of their money for with uh for their college funds. So I became more aware of it. And as the market recovered, I kept watching it closer and closer inside, okay, I've made that money back now. I had been given a second chance. Now I'm not gonna make that same mistake again. And where uh that story relates to the viewers would be as we get closer and closer to that finish line, whatever that may be for you, whatever age that is, we might need to be making sure that we're paying close attention to toning down that level of risk. Because in that example, I just didn't have the time for that money to come back. Fortunately, I was given that second chance for that money to come back up. But I think that's a mistake that a lot of people make is that they don't take the time, right? We spend more time planning a vacation than we do sitting down and and reviewing our plans. So um if I mean anything more than that, it's not this stuff.

Delayed Gratification For Real Life

Erica Rawls 1:40:36

Yeah, we spend more time planning a vacation than we do what? Planning our future. Planning our future. How about that? Yeah, that's really good. So to bring this home, um, we're gonna end it with delayed gratification. Okay, so we live in this environment where, you know, buy it now, you know, pay it later. Um, you know, and I I'm teaching our community that, okay, it's okay to wait for what matters, right? So can you explain what that looks like in real life? Because people say, okay, because you know, you don't like to wait for anything, right? So what does that look like in real life?

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:41:15

I would say, um, you know, if you're if you're in a situation that you're trying to make a decision about purchasing something, it is okay to sleep on it, right? Maybe go back and say, is that something you might not be there when I go back? Well then that just might not be meant to be, right? Um I don't like you, Laura. I thought yeah, I I had to tell it like it is. Right. Sometimes we have to hear the truth.

Erica Rawls 1:41:45

I'll just be in the community. I yeah, yeah, I wouldn't oh I'm right with you.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:41:49

And I think about your business because that is the case sometimes, right? Especially um, I think about um situations where I was in looking for a home. Yeah, that that is a hard uh that's a hard decision. And um in my my personal uh situation, I I maybe am a little more of a risk taker. I mean, just being a business owner, I tend to think that is risky. And and I I have been in situations where I've had to make decisions, do I do this now or later? Um, even moving here from Chicago to Pennsylvania was a humongous risk um to take. Um, but I think it's okay to take a deep breath and and just think about it. You and again, if it's if it's meant to be, I think it will be. Um and also too, I think just more of my message is uh gets get started early. You know, it doesn't have to be that you put 100% of your focus on that goal and and don't have fun, but make some decisions. Is this going to make me happy? If if I have to be with my budget of Starbucks coffee or whatever it is, is that gonna make me more happy than then working toward my long-term future? Yeah. And and sometimes it may not make you happy in the moment. Right. But but again, when you have those little um successes that you've had, when you you look back and say, well, it was my goal to purchase that car. And you say, I did that, but but it it did take some tough decisions, and that's how we grow. That's how we grow. So just just on, you know, sometimes you have to say no um for that delayed gratification. And it may not always feel good at the time. Yeah, but but think about other decisions that you've had to make that were tough and and then make your decision from there. Do I do I really need that thing? Um, do I have to have all of the stuff? Is it going to why do you need it? Why why so bad it? Why do I need it so bad? Yeah, right. Do I really need another pair of shoes?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:44:14

Sometimes sometimes you do. Get that palette there. Listen. But I I have a different, I have a couple different perspectives. And I agree with you on that, but um, I'll share a funny story. Um, so because of the way I grew up, everything was so tight, right? I hated window shopping. I hated going to look at things. Families, yeah. Because I'm like, why? I don't have the money for that. My husband is older than I am. And so when I got with him, he would be like, oh, let's go and look at cars, or let's go and look at homes, or let's go and look at stuff. And I'll be like, why? Like, I would be so mad. Like, literally, like, this is a waste of time. I used to be like, he's like, no, because you know, when we get married, then we'll, and so he was the type to be like, delay gratification, right? If it, if it's a significant purchase, let's do our homework. So I can't tell you how many times we went to the car dealership to look at horsepower and this and that, right? And I'm like, why does it matter? But he's like, you know, we need to know what the price ranges are. We need to know if it's good on gas. We need to know, right? All these things. And eventually I was just like, okay, you know, because I just felt like if I can't stroke a check or swipe a card or get it today, why am I going and torturing myself? That's and I eventually learned that, like, yes, like I want to know when I go in that dealership or go to the realtor, I want to know that I've checked off all the boxes, right? Not just for the cute stuff, the colors, the aesthetics. Like, I want to know that I got the right score. So I don't have to come back here two months from now. Like I got the right score when I walked in. But does he help you to like is he the is yet he's the ground for you to use thinking that to him? I was thinking from a trauma response. My trauma response wouldn't allow me to see myself in that car or with that nice house. So it wasn't just a waste of time, it was really me not thinking that I could access those things. So to me, it felt like torture. Why would I go and look at this nice home that I could never actualize? Yeah. But for him, it's like we can get there. We just need to know what's the credit score, what's the down payment, what's the and that was the homework that we had to do.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:46:37

But I mean, too, like in your business and being such such a person of success, being able to just say, look, I I'm going to do this. I'm not doing the type. Someone did the research for me, I'm ready to purchase now, too.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:46:52

And so to that point, I had to not just elevate my thinking, yeah, allow someone who knows and loves me to gently bring me along with them because he was going. He was going to that car dealership. He was going, but he didn't say, Oh, she's not ready, you stay home. In my uncomfortability, we still went. So you didn't even know and he was helping you say, Yeah, I am worthy of it. And worthy of it. Yeah. If it takes two years, it takes two years. If it takes time, absolutely all the time. And so that's nice. Like the relationship, too, building the relationship.

unknown 1:47:30

Yeah.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:47:31

You know, he helped you in a kind way get to that point. Yep. So that's that's really good.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:47:36

That's amazing, right? But but that's knowing who and what you're dealing with. So not on the first date. You don't have to do all that on the first date. But as you're getting to know your person, what is that resistance? Yes, that when we were talking about building a family or buying a what was that? What was that about?

Final Nuggets And Closing Thoughts

Erica Rawls 1:47:56

That is so good. So good. That's okay. Um, we're at the end, y'all. We did it. Yeah, we did. We really did do it. Yep. So then um, we always want to talk about like your your future self, right? And you hit it. I think you did a really good job with okay, so delaying the gratification. You have to ask yourself the question, okay, will my future self really approve of this? Um, I want to thank you. So, what is something that you want to share with the viewers? Because both of you are just dynamic in your own rights. Yes. Um, that you want to leave them with. With what kind of nugget do you want to leave them with? Something that they could, you know, put in their pocket and bring out when they need to? When they feel like, okay, things don't feel like they are where they should be right now. Um, I'm making this money, but I don't know how to save it, or I'm in debt, like, okay, how do I get out of it? Or I am paying off my debt, but I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. You know, um, am I really saving enough for my financial future? So what would it be?

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:48:57

If I could just be a bit encouraging, because that's always been what's helpful to me, is to just uh let them know that you are worth it. You're worth the time, you're worth the research, you're worth the effort, and you're worth the journey. And if you could take that with you when those uncomfortable times come, when those tough decisions come, you know you can do it because the end result is that you've been enjoying the journey and you're worth it.

Erica Rawls 1:49:26

Good stuff.

Laura Pesek, CFP 1:49:27

What you got, Laura? Just knowing you can do it. I think I think that's that's right. I we we in this business want to help. There is someone there to listen. There's someone that is willing to give their advice to you, that is willing to help, that has been there, knowing that that we've all we're all human, we all experience struggles in different ways. Um, but just take a take a deep breath. Take one step at a time. Um, I used to watch The Secret a lot, and it's like you don't you can't see the road in front of you. Think about driving, you know, in the dark. You can't see all the way in front of you to your destination, but you can just see that next bit of road in front of you. Just take that stop.

Dr. Constance Craig-Mason 1:50:21

And know that it will be okay. And it'll all be okay. Good stuff.

Erica Rawls 1:50:25

Hey Luxis, All-State Insurance, Robert Shaw. He's the guy you need to call when you need insurance for your home, for your car, for your flood insurance. He's the guy. Robert Shaw, All-State Insurance. Now, back to the show. In close, this conversation was not just about money. It was literally about so many other things as well. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did. One thing you have to remember, um, you're at a certain point right now, right? But does not mean you have to be your ending point. Making money is one thing. Learning how to move it and make it work for you is another. So here is what I would love for you to do. I'm looking forward to you building wealth, creating options, and owning your luxury.