Coffee With E

How Blended Families Break Generational Cycles (Love Unfiltered)

• Erica Rawls

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💥 Love is real, but so are the red flags, financial tension, and generational patterns we’re trying to break.

In this powerful episode of Coffee With E, Erica is joined by real-life couple Racquelle Perry and Lloyd Hill, plus returning favorite Quencey Hickerson, for a raw and relatable conversation about love, co-parenting, and growing through what you’ve been through.

From raising kids while dating, to navigating fatherless homes, to having uncomfortable but necessary money talks, this episode is a guide to healing, holding space, and keeping your identity intact.

🎙️ You’ll Hear:

•What co-parenting looks like when the other parent is completely absent
•When (and how) to introduce your child to a new partner
•How social media warps our expectations of love and family
•The emotional weight of mental health in relationships
•What happens when we avoid money conversations and how to change that

💬 “This isn’t about the ’Gram. It’s about being intentional, even when it’s messy.”

🔊 Tune in, take notes, and tag someone who needs this conversation.

🔗 Sponsored by:

TOCH Construction • Allstate Insurance – Rob Shaw

Chavis Law Firm • Dirty Dog Hauling

💼 Powered by The Erica Rawls Team

📅 Guest Links:

Racquelle Perry: LinkedIn • Instagram

Lloyd Hill: Instagram

Quencey Hickerson: LinkedIn • Instagram

#CoffeeWithE #LoveUnfiltered #ModernCoParenting #IntentionalRelationships #BlackLoveMatters #HealingInRealTime #MillennialCouples #MentalHealthInLove #DatingWhileParenting #RealConversations #FaithAndFamily



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Erica Rawls:

Hey you. So you're wondering how to navigate relationships. So this is the episode we need you to listen to, because my girls, quincy and Raquel, break it down and we had a special guest, lloyd Hill. He's gonna add value that you weren't even expecting. Check it out. So I'm really excited about having y'all here today. Yeah, we're excited to be here. Yeah, so we have to take it back real quick, okay, and then we're going to share the unfamiliar face in the room, okay, all good stuff, all good stuff.

Racquelle Perry:

All good stuff.

Erica Rawls:

Right, right, all good stuff.

Erica Rawls:

So I had to have you two back because you have been a fan favorite. I don't know if you know this or not. If you had watched see they too busy, they probably didn't even watch it. But we had a top 10 or top seven, and y'all were probably. You were number two. Oh, wow, number two most watched full episode. Oh, so I had to do it by most reels watch reels and then by Most Watched Episodes. So I don't know if you knew this, but Lessons Unheard right was number two Most Watched Episode.

Erica Rawls:

Okay, so just to have the two of you back, right and a plus one. I'm really excited about this. So, just in case for those that don't know who you are, I do want you to share, because there's we actually have over 632 at the time of our recording this. Our goal is to get to a thousand by the end of June, ok, and the 2000 by the end of January 2026. Yes, we have goals, your goals, but there may be some new people that may not know you, so can we just run it back real quick? And then, lloyd, we're going to talk about you too, okay, so let's start with you, raquel.

Racquelle Perry:

All right. Hello, my name is Raquel Perry. I am a Harrisburg native, born and raised. I currently am an educator in the Central Dauphin School District. Outside of that, I do a ton of different things. I am a mother to a beautiful nine-year-old daughter. I am also a children's book author, like I said, with a host of other titles.

Erica Rawls:

Yes, content creator, yeah, all that good stuff See.

Quencey Hickerson:

My name is Quincy Eggerson. Mine is going to sound a lot like Raquel's because I do look at her like my big sister, so born and raised in Harrisburg. Just like her, I'm also an educator. We did start off working together. I'm now with the Harrisburg School District. Like her, I do wear many hats as well. I'm a mother of a four year old son, driving crazy. You love him, we love to death. And I like to call myself like the youth advocate. It's actually one of the job titles that I do hold with actual, real company youth advocate programs. But I like to think of myself as a youth advocate, a voice for the youth, somebody who's always giving back to kids that grow up just like me, yeah, and before we get into Lloyd here.

Erica Rawls:

So in your episode, remember, we were talking about our relationships, right, and you, uh Raquel in particular was like I'm dating to marry, I'm like Lord hearing of everybody, everybody, because Don't hear it off everybody, everybody, because your age group is so hard when it comes to relationships. But I'm happy to say she brought her plus one with her yes, rowing hills in the building. Drop that T and you're from Harrisburg area or no, you're Stoughton, I'm from Stoughton yep East Stoughton.

Lloyd Hill:

Like them also an educator. You're an the Harrisburg area or no, you're Stoughton. I'm from Stoughton yep East Stoughton. Like them, I'm also an educator.

Erica Rawls:

You're an educator too.

Lloyd Hill:

Yes, I teach history at Capital Academy. It's an alternative school in Harrisburg. I did not know that. Yes, and then on my free time, I'm a coach. I coach football, I coach basketball, so that's what I do, yeah.

Erica Rawls:

So I always heard of you because I'm not originally from Harrisburg, but when you do come to Harrisburg, the Stilton area yeah, lloyd Hill always comes up, comber Day, the Hill family, all of you are right. Another comes up in conversation. So when I found out that the two of you were dating, I was just like what, so brave. Like I literally got goosebumps Because this is so great. Yeah, because I always heard great things about you. Yeah, so thank you for being brave enough to be in the chair with these two. Little Mary was what he got you. I would be nervous. Are you ready for it? No, that's right. Okay, so then we're going to talk about relationships, because that's what we talked about.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, we said we talked already about, like what we will and won't discuss. We talked about, you know.

Erica Rawls:

We said oh, bitch, we talked already about like what we will and won't discuss, and he said we saw anything. So, oh well, let's talk about it. Well, we did something a little different for this episode with our coffee chat that we're going to have is I went out into the audience and I asked them you know, hey, I want to be having this conversation with these young couples here and wanted to know what you would like to talk about, because we're going to be talking about co-parenting and social media, dating in the social media era and also mental health, right? So what people may not know is we have our what we call brewing of ideas before we get here, and I got to tell you I was not ready for the conversations that we had just behind the scenes too. So let's get into it, please. Yeah, let's get into it. So let's first start with the co-parenting part, right, because you all have. You have children, right? Lloyd? Do you have any children?

Quencey Hickerson:

no children no children.

Erica Rawls:

Okay, I got you, I got you, yeah, so then yeah, right, right so we're going to talk about um, um, coing One of the questions.

Erica Rawls:

I'm just going to go right into it, one of the questions that we had. First I want to slow down If you tell I'm excited. I want to first say thank you to the individuals that have submitted questions for this episode episode. We're going to continue to do that because, honestly, coffee with E is not for me, it's for the community that we're building, you see, because I always wanted to have someone mentor me, right, and give me the guidance that I'm giving now. So that's where this is all coming from. It always stemmed around, you know, being worthy of something, mental well-being, just how to navigate relationships and, yes, being an entrepreneur. So thank you for those that have submitted their questions. We're going to get into it now, okay?

Erica Rawls:

So co-parenting is big. It's a big thing, and we want to talk about how we're navigating co-parenting, because the definition is you're not together and yet you have a child that you have to raise, so you have to be on one accord, and a lot of times when you are no longer together, it's because you may not have the same value systems, right and Lloyd, just because you don't have a child, you can still just chime in from a man's perspective, right From what you've seen, right From people that have experienced these, the things that we're going to be talking about. Okay, so how do we? If you were to help someone that's watching remember 25 to 35 and up right what would you say to them as far as how to make sure that you are doing it successfully? Like what would be the first thing if you had to do it all over again. What would you say? Well, wait, is that you wish you could have known before you know you start your co-parenting route?

Racquelle Perry:

so see, my situation is a little bit different because my child's father and I do not speak.

Racquelle Perry:

He has only seen his daughter twice, and the second time was when she was maybe six weeks old, or maybe six months old one of the two.

Racquelle Perry:

So what I would tell someone who is getting into a situation or getting ready to have a child is to make sure that you and the opposite person are on the same accord when it comes to future plans and what you want to do with children, or if you want to have children, or if the situation arises and you do become pregnant.

Racquelle Perry:

What does that look like? Because for my daughter's father and I, we didn't really have those conversations and then when I did get pregnant, obviously he was the first person to know, but I had the conversation is you can either be present physically or, unfortunately, financially. You're going to have to help some way, because he did not say that he did not want the child, right, or else that would have been a different conversation we would have had. But I think the biggest thing when it comes to co-parenting is communication and making sure that both of you are on the same page in terms of how you're going to raise the child, even if you guys don't have children yet. Obviously that is a consequence to certain adult actions. So the possibility of getting pregnant is there, but just make sure that you guys align with if it happens and you do become pregnant. What does the future look like for the?

Erica Rawls:

both of you, Don't everyone? When you start a relationship, don't you always think you're aligned Right? Don't you always think you're aligned?

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, but I think some people shy away from certain conversations because you're in this honeymoon phase and you don't want to mess that up see so I just recorded a segment with a male therapist.

Erica Rawls:

y'all watch it's really good, and he actually touches on this. So he said that a lot of times, when it comes to relationships, we actually avoid the red flags in the beginning, absolutely, absolutely, whether it's for insecurity or just, you know, don't want to be alone, or whatever it is. But by doing that we cause more grief in the end. So it's heavy Right. So just to hear you say that, because I'm thinking once you get with someone and you go through the discovery period, I'm thinking that you are, you know whether or not you're aligned right. And a lot of times I would say in some relationships but I'll say for most right, I don't have statistics I would think a lot of times that there are, um, we get pregnant and it wasn't planned correct, so then we have this child and then we find out, okay, well, they aren't the best person to be a father or a mother. So I don't know what are your thoughts, quincy?

Quencey Hickerson:

um, I feel like as far as the whole co-parenting thing, like she said, communication is number one. Um, I just feel like with that it becomes a little difficult, just like you said, because that discovery period normally doesn't come until after the child. So it's like once you have the child, now I'm starting to see oh, you don't like getting up in the middle of the night, oh, you don't like helping out with practices, oh you don't like picking up from school or anything like that, and it just makes it difficult for that relationship as co-parents to kind of go forward. But I feel like if you are accepting after that discovery period and you really don't have expectations in the areas where they can't be fulfilled at then you might, might be okay yeah so it's like you go into it knowing that I might have to do everything.

Quencey Hickerson:

But hey, what else is there to expect in that situation when I already see who this person is?

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, yeah, and that's kind of the role that I once I realized that he was not going to be present, it was more so, like, OK, like this is just what I have to do and to be honest, and I mean I know I've spoken to both of them about it before like I don't have any bad blood towards them because that's not something that I have to answer for later down the road, and I mean, like it just is what it is. I hope in the future that we do get on the same accord when it comes to kids and what that looks like for your future. And you're keeping the door open, yeah for sure.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, and that's for the child.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, it's not about any.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah. So at what point do you introduce your child? I guess I could ask y'all. So when did you introduce Layla to Lloyd Like?

Racquelle Perry:

at what point did you? Well, I always say okay. So a lot of the times people think that you wait a while to introduce the kids to your partner. Right, which is fair.

Erica Rawls:

You should wait a while.

Racquelle Perry:

And who said that and why People say that? Because you don't want to keep introducing, like, what's having a daughter right? You don't want to introduce her to multiple men psychologically in her mind. Maybe when she gets older it's okay for her to be dating multiple men, or you know. I think that that's the I guess vantage point that people say, um, you shouldn't always introduce your kids right up front to the person dating. But from my perspective, um, I think it's important because that's a that's a non-negotiable. If you and my child don't get along, what are we gonna do? Because she's permanent, like you could be gone tomorrow and she's still gonna be here. So, um, I think we probably did the introduction. It was early.

Erica Rawls:

Well, lois said I'll play a real game here the day after it was in a few weeks.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, it was a few weeks yeah, we definitely weren't like officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet right, okay yeah, it was before that. Because, again, before we get to that point, I kind of have to see how he is around children, and specifically my daughter, because she can be a lot. He is very outspoken, um, so you know, I gotta see how she's outspoken very president leila, that's what I call her, but are we surprised, though, are we?

Erica Rawls:

no, no, not one bit, not one bit. You got a mini-me.

Lloyd Hill:

Yeah, yeah, mini-me.

Quencey Hickerson:

She might have surpassed her. Like sometimes I be surprised with Layla, like yo, you know what I'm saying and Rocky, you can just tell, gets a little flut like girl shut up.

Erica Rawls:

That's too funny. That is too funny.

Quencey Hickerson:

Love.

Erica Rawls:

Hey, I'm hoping you're enjoying this episode of Coffee with E. I had to take 30 seconds to share with you one of our sponsors for this episode, top Construction. They are a premier construction company located in central PA, so if you live in Dauphin, cumberland, lancaster and Lebanon counties, you want to check them out. Not only are they reliable, they are reasonable and they get the job done. Now let's go back to the episode.

Racquelle Perry:

So you're feeling as though okay, um, you can do it early if you're okay with doing it early, yeah, um, within a few weeks, and make it something that's natural and it's not like, oh, we're going to meet this person. It could just be like we, I think, did we do. Was it urban air or something? Yeah, it was urban air and he just met us there, so it wasn't like the focus was on them interacting. Yeah, the focus was more. So Layla was playing, she would come over, she would say hi, and Layla is very talkative, she'll talk to anybody. Yeah, so she would come over, speak, she said hi and then she'd go back to play. So it was like natural and not too much pressure on the situation.

Erica Rawls:

Okay, yeah yeah so then, when do we introduce the co-parent to the new boyfriend?

Racquelle Perry:

That's a good one. Have you all experienced that For me? You know that is not in the picture for me, so for my situation it's a little different.

Quencey Hickerson:

It's a lot of different. Yeah, then Missry's over here. Um, I like to say, some days I co-parent and some days I'm in a relationship like that's just what it is like, right as far as us trying to navigate trying to figure it out yeah, that's it, that's all.

Quencey Hickerson:

Like there's two young people just trying to figure it out while raising a child and being intentional about raising a child, like I feel like with us, our foundation is the co-parenting. Like, if we're not going to get along about anything else, we won't get along about that four-year-old. That's good. Um, so we could be having the worst day if something comes up. Hey, drew needs this, drew needs that, and it's done. Yeah, like, so I'm very thankful for it in that aspect. That's why, when it comes to like co-parenting questions, it's too natural and easy. Like there's for you. Yeah, like there's no real disagreements other than which sports team he's going to play for in the city. Like that's the main disagreement when it comes to anything. But as far as, like us seeing eye to eye, he could call me out about something that I'm doing with him. I could call him out about something he's doing with him, and we're always willing to come to the table and work it out for the sake of him.

Quencey Hickerson:

Then you're okay, that's really good, yeah, so it's like how this healthy co-parenting yeah, okay, and I feel like that's the basis of us figuring each other out. It sounds crazy, but when you're in the situation like it's like this makes sense for us, what else can make sense for us? We can at least get along about this, yeah, which is a big part.

Erica Rawls:

A big part.

Quencey Hickerson:

A major part.

Erica Rawls:

That's awesome. So I like the fact that the two of you get out of your way. You make it about your child right, because it's not their fault that they're here, even if we have mess that's going on with the other parent. So I do applaud you for that. And I'm curious to know and I need to know in the comments like is that the case for most of y'all, or what are we doing here? Are we having healthy relationships? Is it the turmoil? I mean, raquel, I appreciate you being open and honest and saying you know we're not even speaking at this point and yet you found a way to make it healthy a relationship for your daughter. I love that. That you did that.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, and you know I have to have those heart. I'm a big communication and conversation person.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, Lori's like, just give me a question, she'll answer you.

Racquelle Perry:

No, you shouldn't say it because I want to talk about anything. Give her the details. Yeah, let's have. No, you shouldn't say because I want to talk about anything, give her the details. Conversation. So leila and hi have also had that conversation about where her father is, and she knows that you know, uh, that window is open for him if it happens. Um, but I don't think at this moment she's like missing that puzzle, um, because she's still kind of young. Um, but she knows that obviously dad is out there and if he comes around, he comes around.

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah, like, I also not to like cut you off or anything, but I think she does a great job at making sure layla is not missing that piece, so it like I can only imagine the questions that she would ask you. Rocky never makes it like a sense in. Oh your dad's not here and like it's never. It's not traumatizing for Layla, like I feel like it's going to be an experience that you're being transparent about it and she's only going to learn from it as she gets older.

Erica Rawls:

So I don't even want to be with her. Like when I see when parents are just bad mouth Not the other parents, the other parents it's not healthy at all. It's not healthy at all. Like, what sense does that make? I don't know.

Quencey Hickerson:

I don't know. I grew up around it. My mom didn't per se do it at all. I think we talked about that in our first podcast that we did. My mom never bashed my dad. He could be the worst dad in the world. She never did that and that helps the child because it's like I'm going to see who he is for myself when I get older. I don't need you to. While I'm in my honeymoon stage with my dad, I don't need you to try to bash him or try to make him do the same lens that you view him in.

Racquelle Perry:

Because people can be great parents and like a horrible part about outside people. You know what? Yeah, yeah, great mom or a great dad and then just be a mean individual outside of them.

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah, you can be a great dad and a horrible husband. Great dad, horrible son. Great mom, horrible wife.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so true. I mean, Lloyd, you're a coach. I mean, Lloyd, you're a coach. I mean I know you see it all the time, right, the co-parenting.

Lloyd Hill:

All the time. What I see is when you have children, when you bring children into the world you are having, you're bringing the families along with you, you know. So when you're having a co-parent, the families come along. So how do they intertwine, do they get along? What are they spewing into the kid about the other person when they're not there? Because you don't know and I think that's a huge part you know when the kid is with you know mom or dad, and mom or dad is away, or with aunt or uncle, what are they talking to about the kid? Are they talking trash about the opposite? You know person and I think trying to be positive and always hearing those positive words to the kid, it goes a long way.

Erica Rawls:

That is huge. That is so huge Because you think about it's just the parents, like, how do you overcome that? I mean, when you have the extended family, that's the one that is spewing the bad things about the dad or the mom, you know. So it's just, you're right, it takes a village.

Quencey Hickerson:

It takes a village.

Racquelle Perry:

It does take a village and it's good you said that because it just made me think. Like even when, because Leilua asks questions, she's very inquisitive and her and my mom have their own little moments at night when they talk. And I always tell my mom and dad direct all questions when it comes to him to me, like if she ever asks a question about dad, immediately to her to ask me. Like I said, you said down alley already. Yeah, um, my mom has gotten questions from Layla already and she would just ask your mom tomorrow morning or whatever, and then Layla will ask me and we'll have the conversation. But I also don't put that pressure on anybody else to answer because I know my mom and dad are very protective over me and I know how they feel about the situation. So I already know that what they might say might not be the best thing for Layla to hear.

Erica Rawls:

So yeah, that's why, when it comes to relationships, sometimes you don't share everything with your extended family members, because once you pass that that phase, there's still stuff going on, that thing that you did that wronged them and they can't get over it. They looking at you all cross-eyed or whatever. So unless it's something that's going to be detrimental or physical harm to you, sometimes you need to keep it to yourself. You know what I mean and just resolve it. That's what relationships are all about. Not everything is meant for everyone. In your family had to learn that the hard way.

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah.

Erica Rawls:

Because they will not forget. I know, I know because some things share with me. I'm looking at people crazy, like why are you still with that? Because you may have gotten over it, but I didn't forget, that's really what it is, yeah, yeah. And they're like why are your mom acting like that? Oh, I don't know, she's just in a bad mood. No, I just remember what you told me. I'll mirror it over you. I don't know if I am, you know. So I know because we're all human. It's just the way it is.

Erica Rawls:

Dirty Dog Hauling. Thank you so much for your sponsorship. If you're looking for a junk removal company, they are the go-to company, whether you have a small job or a large job and even excavation. You want to check them out. They are reasonable and also timely and effective. Dirty Dog Hauling. Now back to the show. So one of the other things I wanted to talk about was in social media. How are we dealing with this, lloyd? I want to start with you. To start with Lloyd, yes, how are we dealing with that? So you and Raquel, uh-huh, yeah, in this relationship, she's Miss Content Queen over here.

Lloyd Hill:

Yeah.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so how you feel about like the social media is living up to the standard.

Lloyd Hill:

Oh, plus, she's a. Can I say this? She's a princess, right? Can I say this? I'm not used to it, but I embrace it and I think it.

Erica Rawls:

Because you seem like you're a quiet guy.

Lloyd Hill:

I am. The only time I get rowdy is probably when I'm coaching. Other than that, I'm laid back and sometimes I like to be that way, and I know her social media presence is. I love it because it shows her true character, it shows herself and that's what she loves to do. So I'm here for it, you know, and I'm getting used to it, because I've not, you know, and we've had communication about it, you know, and we've always have an open conversation about if I like it or if I don't, and allowing her to walk in her truth. That's what she wants to do. I'm here to support it, you know, because when it's time for me to coach, she's right on the sideline yelling at the ref. So I'm just trying to be her biggest supporter in that. In educating myself on, you know, tiktoks or when we're going away, I have to record everything. They had you as their film crew.

Lloyd Hill:

Yes, I'm number one film crew. But learning that, could you know? That's the space she operates in and I've seen the success you know she has already in it. So me being able to keep encouraging her is what.

Erica Rawls:

Where I'm at um, so do y'all feel and this is as a general question so do you feel that social media puts pressure on how a relationship should go?

Lloyd Hill:

I do think how so, lord I do, because you know um people post those memes and how it should look, you know, and that's not reality, you know. But to some people, um, instagram, facebook, is what they look for for um validation, and you know, you see all these memes on how your relationship worked and that's what you think it should look like. In reality, it's not. You know, being able to have those tough conversations with your partner is how you'll be able to, I believe, have a long-lasting relationship. I don't look into social media, as you know what our relationship should look like. Our relationship should look like how we deem it should look like Well, you're a rare commodity, then for your age.

Racquelle Perry:

We totally skipped out on how he used social media. How was that?

Erica Rawls:

then how she just tell her, what you she sure did, I mean that's because.

Lloyd Hill:

So, if we're being honest, you know, when I followed her on Instagram and I told her all the time, oh, you were just a normal guy. Right.

Erica Rawls:

Would you DM them? You slept in a DM, is that what they said?

Lloyd Hill:

First. For a while I liked all the pictures, but I thought she was bougie, you know.

Erica Rawls:

Well, I mean you know well, I mean, yeah, right, but in a good way. I see, yeah, boozy, from boozy to boozy, I mean it's not a bad thing, that's not a bad.

Lloyd Hill:

You know so and you know I, you know, liked all her pictures. You know, through a couple was um hard eyes and her pic in the dms and her teacher a pictures she was doing.

Racquelle Perry:

So, um, that's how I got started this is too cute, and he was why he also did not say but you know, you post things on social media like repost stuff. He was watching my repost stuff and sometimes he would like gift me like flowers, like certain flowers, or like certain colored stuff, and I'm like how do you know that that's my baby? Isn't that dating now?

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, I mean, isn't that how you OK? So instead of going out in a club and like, hey, what's up, like push up on somebody Now it's more like, yeah, you're going out there, right, and yeah, hard things, and yeah, it's easier Doing a little scouting, you're scouting, right.

Quencey Hickerson:

But I feel like my biggest thing with that is and I'm all for it favorite company.

Quencey Hickerson:

All for it. But how do we decipher Because we say that social media isn't the reality? How do we decipher somebody just sliding up, you know, just wanting to waste my time, versus what we have here, which is something with their action, like how? That's why I'm the type where I'm like my birthday was on Saturday. I'm on the social media cleanse. I don't want nothing to do with it, because I kind of want to reclaim my mind.

Quencey Hickerson:

Like I feel like I've been so brainwashed and influenced by everything that I see on social media to the point where, if I got downtime, I'm opening my phone and I'm going straight to Instagram. I'm not checking my emails, I'm not looking at Drew's daycare app. I'm going straight to Instagram and Facebook to see what the latest is or to see, without me knowing what I can be influenced by, what's going to be my next step, what do I want to buy from them all this weekend? What's the latest trend? Like I just feel like social media really implants this false narrative, like you said, what life should be like, not even just relationships, but life period. So, like where I'm at right now, it's kind of hard for me to decipher what's real, what's not. So I just want to get rid of it so I can filter out what's actually real.

Erica Rawls:

Had to take two seconds to thank Allstate Insurance for sponsoring this episode. If you're looking for car life or casualty insurance, they're going to be your ultimate insurance company. Thank you, rob Shaw, with Allstate Insurance. Now back to the show. I think when people slide in like I always appreciate Lloyd's intention.

Racquelle Perry:

Ultimate insurance company. Thank you, rob Shaw, with Allstate Insurance. Now back to the show. I think when people slide in like, I always appreciate Lloyd's intention right, like it wasn't sliding in my BM hard eyes. What you doing, what you doing. What you doing, no like.

Erica Rawls:

Oh, that happens. I hate a door, what you doing, and then it's not what you're doing.

Racquelle Perry:

It's, it's wyd buzzer right and hate it. Yeah, that's real cringe. But no, he can't that y'all. Yeah cringy. Um, he came with conversation, okay, so when?

Erica Rawls:

he comes down on that good man, right? No, that's right, and a joke ain't too much rockhamper, that's a rare commodity.

Racquelle Perry:

You gotta keep something for yourself yeah, he gave a conversation, so I think that helped me decipher between. Of course, there were other people in my dm right, but they weren't coming with conversation you look what you're doing what you got on like no, what do you know? Compliment something else other than my outfit.

Quencey Hickerson:

I post about a lot of up to school in the main office with some flowers, since you know I'm a teacher, like stuff like that.

Erica Rawls:

Drop it off be intentional yeah that's awesome yeah, so what I'm hearing you say you wish you grew up in the 80s. Yes, yes, because, yeah, that's our relationship, that's right, that's what I was, right, right, the beeper that's hilarious, the beeper. But yeah, I hear what you're saying. You want to be treated like a, a respect. I think that's. I don't think that's anything wrong with that.

Lloyd Hill:

Oh.

Erica Rawls:

At all, at all Mental health Relationships. Can we talk about that for a minute? Okay, because when I was growing up, we didn't talk about mental health.

Quencey Hickerson:

That is so prevalent?

Erica Rawls:

No, and then we have relationships and you're getting into these crazy relationships and you wonder why somebody's beating you upside the head because they're dealing with their baggage. You know what I mean. So yeah, let's talk about it. Do y'all talk about it in your relationships? Now we do.

Racquelle Perry:

We actually recently had a good conversation. No off limits Okay.

Erica Rawls:

Lorce do um no off limits, okay, lorce, do I want quincey to go first, okay? And?

Lloyd Hill:

I want to hear this um. It's about, you know, my journey of um. I just recently, about a year and a half ago, uh, I've got weight and loss surgery and since since then I've lost, you know, almost over 200 pounds. I'm like 180 something, I don't know the exact number. So, dealing with that, almost becoming a whole different person and, you know, still trying to. I had those old ways, you know, pose the conversation that we kind of got into a back and forth and trying to get her to understand where I'm at mentally and she's trying to understand me where, how she can support me. So you know, we had a long conversation and I'm sure she can elaborate on that yeah, I realized that, um, he would hide behind his clothes.

Racquelle Perry:

So I realized that he was more comfortable at that weight in athletic wear. And what I was trying to get him to understand is, like you can fit clothes outside of athletic wear. And with me delivering that message to him, he was explaining to me like, mentally, he one didn't even realize what clothes was like for him outside of the athletic wear. And two, when it comes to like Nike, he couldn't fit Nike when he was heavier. So now that he's he's lost all this weight, he can now fit Nike clothes. So that was all he was going.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, so I was telling him that, like you, pretty much don't have to hide behind that clothes. And we have a mutual friend who also went through weight loss surgery. Know, prior to me having the conversation with him, that I had asked her, you know, like what supports does she think would be best? Um, or what supports did she need when she was going through her journey so that I could better support him as his partner? Um, because I noticed that, you know, he would kind of hide behind his clothes a little bit.

Lloyd Hill:

And you know, as a black man, you know, and I was blessed to be growing a two-parent household, you know, but still you know we're taught to be tough and not to cry and show your emotions, and you know what I mean. That's how I was and you know, being able to be with Raquel she's helped me open up my lines of communication about my emotions and still being able to understand that I'm strong and be able to communicate that you know what I'm feeling and she's helped me, you know especially dealing with something as big, as you know, weight loss surgery and losing weight so fast.

Lloyd Hill:

I'm, you know, my body's changing, emotionally I'm changing, so just being able to have someone I can talk to help me a lot.

Erica Rawls:

Your journey is a conversation in itself. Yeah, I'm so proud of you.

Lloyd Hill:

Thank you, I appreciate it. I appreciate it. It's still going and we still have some challenges, but every day I'm working towards it.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, I know, that's right.

Lloyd Hill:

Well, you know you've got a big support over.

Erica Rawls:

I just met you today. Thank you, I appreciate it. Thanks, go down. Matter of fact, I want you to meet my husband because I mean, if you want someone that's going to be a motivator, like seriously, man, honey, he is the mr discipline himself. Yes, he will irk your nerve and love them at the same time. If you want to say seriously, if you want to stay focused on something.

Lloyd Hill:

Definitely we had a few encounters with. Definitely you have.

Erica Rawls:

Yes, okay, yeah, you definitely want to meet him. Definitely, yeah, that's what's up. So then, um, not to change the subject, but I do want to talk about a little bit, because when it comes to relationships, so then what would you say to the men out there that are one? Nobody likes to be alone, nobody, male or female, nobody likes to be alone. Yet when you said something about being tough, you know, hiding your feelings, not being able to communicate. So what would you say to a young man that's looking for someone like Raquel or for Quincy? What would you say to them?

Lloyd Hill:

I would say for me, be intentional on what you want. You know that was, I made that clear from day one. These are out of talking. Dayton is tough in this era and I just I would say, be intentional, intentional what you want and how you expect in the standards of, in your values of a relationship. You know, be up front, don't hide anything. And when you got, don't run from the conversations because you have someone like the cal quincy, conversations are gonna come to your front door and I still do it. I still racking, I still run, but I thought I'm doing a better job of you know, when those conversations come in my front door, I don't run as much, I still try to, but she's, she's right behind me. So eventually I got to have that conversation and be able to talk it through without being emotional you know being.

Lloyd Hill:

I'm trying to be better at that you know, know, because emotion can get the best of us, yeah.

Erica Rawls:

Now we're ganging up on you a little bit. No, it's fine. So here's the thing. I had to take two seconds to interrupt this episode. I would like to thank one of our most recent guests, attorney Jenny Chavis, for sponsoring this show. Chavis Law Firm is an elite law firm in central Pennsylvania that helps with estate planning as well as understanding what type of business entity you should enter into when starting your business. If you're looking for a great attorney that understands estate planning as well as business entity how to start the right way, you want to check out Attorney Chavis, chavis Law Firm. Now back to the show. So then? What about? Why is everyone? Why do men proceed to be afraid of commitment in your age group? What's the big C word? Let me hear this one. See, he yeah. So we need to know, because I know there's a lot of young women that are great, ready, willing and able to settle down and just make someone a great wife.

Lloyd Hill:

I think social media plays a big, big part of it. You know, also, for me, being able to hit your goals and trying to make sure yourself is right first, I mean make sure you're in the spot to be able to be in a relationship. Because you asked me that question a couple years ago, I may have said that I was ready for a relationship, but I know mentally, physically, I wasn't able to be ready. So you know, the commitment part would be making sure you're, a man is ready to be able to be in a committed relationship.

Erica Rawls:

So how does someone know that they're ready? Because, can I share something with you? You may never be ready if you're waiting for you to make a certain income or lose a certain amount of weight or, you know, trying to check off all these boxes. You may be 80 years old, right, that's true, and life will pass you by.

Lloyd Hill:

You may be 80 years old Right, that's true, and life will pass you by. So I would say jump in the fire. And again I keep saying be intentional, communicate what you want. You know I understand that. I wanted to be in a real relationship, a committed relationship. And some, you know, men, our brains develop slower than women, so you know.

Lloyd Hill:

He said that no, he said that in a he always said a few books. You gotta say then you know, I tell her all the time just, you know I'm going to mess up. You know, just work with me and have, give me some grace. I always tell her just give me some grace, because I haven't been in a relationship in a long time and I know that I want you and I'm committed to you. But there's going to be times that I make you upset, understanding that where I love you and we're working towards a goal yeah, yeah.

Erica Rawls:

So yes, that is so great, that is. I love it I know right, love it. I love it too because the audience that we're working with I've been seeing this all day that age group is just like yearning for, because you know, this is foreign it is foreign.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so people are dating to well, I should say most of the females are dating to marry and you have these men over here trying to figure life out, because what I heard you say is they're waiting to make sure that they are ready, like they're in a position to. Can I just share with you you may not ever be in a position to, so I'm sure I could ask. Well, I'll be talking to him next. So asking him, well, I can't because it's going to be on leadership, but anyways, I would love to know. If he felt like he was ready, I bet he would say no, my husband, I would say no, you're never ready, right, right.

Erica Rawls:

But you do know that if you love someone and you can grow together, that's the key and the right part. You're only meant to elevate and the right. So elevate you Right and also be patient and understand that, yeah, no one unless you've been married before four, this is a first for everybody. So if I can give you all the advice is you're going to grow together. You're going to mess up together, right? The goal is to communicate and not be afraid that the person is going to one, leave you right, and then, two, they're going to understand you and if you do mess up that, they're going to give you grace.

Lloyd Hill:

That's good. You said leave, because that was something I don't win. Every time I mess up, I just think someone's going to leave me and being able to have those conversations and being able to communicate that that's not the truth that you know. She understands that I'm a mess up, that being able to communicate it and correct the action is what we're trying to get and grow together. Correct the action is what we're trying to get and grow together.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, yeah. So you actually just sitting down in this chair, I want to give you, like I don't know, just thank you, a huge thank you, because it would be hard for, I think, young men to want to have these conversations Right, especially when you're just you're dating. So to have and then to have a young black man like yourself, who is upwardly mobile, right, who is doing the darn thing helping kids all over Stilton High and whoever else knows where else. You are right. So I want to applaud you and you're sharing the struggles that you're going through, because guess what? Y'all, we all, have struggles that we're going through every last one. That's a lot, definitely every last one of us. So for you to share it publicly, you're going through Every last one of us. So for you to share it publicly, you're going to help somebody. I appreciate it.

Lloyd Hill:

Thank you?

Erica Rawls:

No, thank you. Thank you, quincy. Uh-oh, who yeah, quincy, I want to thank you too, because one thing I love about you is to see how you raise your child, right, drew. To know about you is to see how you raise your your child, right um Drew, to know him seriously is to love him, and you're doing a great no, you're doing a really good job. Appreciate it, I take pride in motherhood.

Quencey Hickerson:

Do you do?

Erica Rawls:

I really do you wear it well. Thank you, you're welcome. So what's the what's the final words that you want to share with our audience Seriously?

Quencey Hickerson:

I think the word of the day is intention. I always prior my anything that I did, I did it with intention, whether it was a sport, whether it was some schoolwork, whether it was a talk with a friend. Like, everything is with intention, is genuine, is coming from my heart. It's not no influence, no other way, which is why I said what I said earlier about the whole social media, because I really, just, like I said, I want to reclaim my mind, reclaim my time, kind of, um, and get back to this way of life that we had before social media and I might not be realistic, um, but as far as my path, my lane is, is realistic Like something as simple as putting social media down for three months could really change your life, change your way of thinking, uh, change your habits, and that's kind of what, um, I'm working towards, cause I feel like, while I don't have the best or worst relationship with my partner, um, drew's's dad, I don't feel like like we're at a brick wall, because I feel like we both need to do some work as far as that goes, as far as reclaiming our time, because we've been consumed with, whether he wants to admit or not, we both have been consumed with the ideologies that social media presents us with, whether that's how much money we should be making in a year, uh, what our relationship should look like, what vacations we can go.

Quencey Hickerson:

I'm like bro, we can go to vacation to lake tobias. That would be fun for the day. It's like vacation. Yeah, whoever told you that a vacation didn't like? Why does it have to be maui or? I just feel like we live to this or try to chase this standard that is presented to us through social media, and I don't think it's always fair to ourselves. Uh, in our personal journey and our growth, um, as we're working towards being that unit, you hit on something that was huge.

Erica Rawls:

So with social media, people want to. They'd rather be house poor or vacation poor and go on that trip to London or to Tahiti or to. Why can't we just get on this road and go to Baltimore?

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah, yeah.

Erica Rawls:

So so how do you bring that back?

Quencey Hickerson:

um, that's a hard question, that's a really hard question that I don't think I have an answer to, only because, like, I'm taking things day by day and trying to figure it out that way, rather than setting out a plan, thanks to my OG uh, donald Ross, shout out to you. He, he tells me to like stop planning everything, like just wake up and just tackle the day for what it is, because you don't know what's to come. So, yeah, with that, how do we get back to that? I think it's just getting back to our, to our morals and the things that we truly believe in, not not what we say.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, so I mean you can have a vacation. Well, I know I'm exaggerating, but you can have a vacation at home. They call it staycation.

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah. And have the best time of your life, and that's what I think it's all about. It shouldn't how we are, shouldn't be based upon where we're at, whether we're on an island by ourselves or whether we're at home by ourselves. That time spent with each other should be the same regardless of where we're at, because, as long as it's spent, and the worries that you create as long as it's intentional yeah yeah, it's not about the gram, although yeah we all do it for

Erica Rawls:

the gram, sometimes one in a while if you have to, not have to when you feel the need to, but it should be. Save up delayed gratification. Yeah, there's a term we need to talk about. We need to delay the gratification, save up our money, what it is, and say it yeah and then go on that trip. You're not doing it for the gram, you're doing it for yourself. That you'll be able to have a much better time, because behind those smiles are probably a lot of tears. Yeah, yep, because lights might be about to be cut off or a car might be about to be repulled.

Quencey Hickerson:

It's repulled.

Racquelle Perry:

Y'all already on vacation.

Erica Rawls:

You gonna make it, yeah, so make it what it is, yeah, I think just understanding that, yeah, don't do it for the gram, y'all.

Quencey Hickerson:

Don't do it for yourselves, then post it on the gram. Yeah, that's the better formula, I feel like.

Erica Rawls:

How about that?

Quencey Hickerson:

Yeah, how about that Because it ain't going nowhere like social media and it can be used like. I don't diss social media because it can be used for great things. A lot of companies wouldn't survive without social media. It's just we have to be, word of the day, intentional about how we use it.

Erica Rawls:

Yeah. So there's one last question, because I promised everyone to ask the question that we would answer it. It was about financial, the financial aspect of relationships. So is it important for the man to make the most money, or can you have a good, healthy relationship without having the man being the breadwinner?

Racquelle Perry:

I think you can. Again, my thing is conversation and communication. Like hers is intention, mine is conversation and communication. We actually have had conversations around finances. I personally don't think the man has to make more money than the woman and I don't think that that should drive a wedge into the relationship. Honestly speaking, because I know a lot of men and correct me if I'm wrong, because you know I'm not a man Would prefer to provide and cover certain expenses Because he did hit on that, yeah, and prepared to have it in a relationship.

Racquelle Perry:

Yeah, yeah, but I think so. Say I was making more money than Lloyd was. If there's a split in terms of the bills, it could be like a 70-30 split or a 60-40 split or something like that. Again, you have to communicate and you guys have to be open about what the finances look like the debt, the credit cards, the loans, the salary, salary, the side hustles, the part-time jobs you die. Habit the habits um. Are there the spending habits um?

Racquelle Perry:

that'd be a talk later oh, so you have to have those conversations. Look, baby has a sneaker addiction expensive.

Quencey Hickerson:

It was like a little secret last time I checked.

Erica Rawls:

I'm trying.

Racquelle Perry:

I'm trying, no, like he's doing again. That was a conversation we had and because of the goals that we know we have in the future, he has done great with, you know, cutting back on that expense, but you know it's something we got to work through. But I don't think that the man has to make more money and I think if the woman does make more money, it's still important for her to make him feel needed, because I feel like men want to feel needed in relationships, um, and there's a way that you do that without when it comes to finances, even if you are making more money, like okay baby, I need you to t.

Racquelle Perry:

I can't. I can't go outside and cut the grass. I can't do nothing outside. I can't get the trash him. He does all of that. Yeah, I can't.

Quencey Hickerson:

I can't, baby, I can't do none of that so one thing she said that stuck out to me was having a conversation about the finances. So one thing she said that stuck out to me was having a conversation about the finances. I feel like you being married and y'all dating, that's a very uncomfortable conversation. Child, ooh, so when like Bullets. So for me, learning from experience, knowing that communication is at the forefront of our relationships, our first house together, we didn't have those conversations. It was just like we just was winging it so that didn't really work. Oh, that's why I'm like that really stuck out to me, because had we had those conversations, we wouldn't have been probably in the position that we're in now, because we would have everything set in stone. But like if you just go into it assuming that it's gonna be 50 50 or assuming that his salary is going to take care of everything, you're just going to hit a part in your relationship that I think is avoidable yeah unnecessary, to say the least.

Quencey Hickerson:

Um so, yeah, just once again being intentional and having communication at the forefront. Yeah, when it comes to finances those relationships always end well?

Racquelle Perry:

not always, but is that like one of the top reasons why a relationship causes money, finances, money?

Erica Rawls:

Yeah, I can say from experience that before entering into any like union like you want to make this, yeah, I want to get married you got to make sure that you're both good like with money, like financially whole, good like with money, like financially whole. So, yeah, because I think that um again, like personally speaking, if I had to do it all over again, if I would make sure that I was um like good with money um more than I was when I first entered into our marriage, because, um, yeah, I'd love to spend. I still like to spend, but I learned how to um delay gratification more so than I used to before. That's important.

Erica Rawls:

Yes, it really is everyone said yeah you want to have, if you want to, um, you know, a million dollar house, right, but then you have million dollar bad spending habits. The two just don't work because you're never able to save money. So, yeah, if I had the word of wisdom for my young people here on this. On this chair is delayed gratification and getting good with money. Yeah, getting good with money. Yeah, if I had to do it all over again. I would love for someone to tell my younger self that, yeah, cause that's going to make you in such a better place. Yeah, yeah, hey. I need to take two seconds to interrupt this wonderful show that you're watching. I run a real estate business and the way we fund this podcast is through that business, the Erica Ross team. I would love it if you would just give us one opportunity to service your real estate needs, whether you are in central PA or around the entire world. Think of us first, so we can help you. Now back to the show.

Quencey Hickerson:

Agreed, agreed, agreed with that for sure Y'all. This was good, this was.

Erica Rawls:

Did y'all get something out of this? I did. Thank you Thank you. Anytime, Anytime Y'all thank you for watching.

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